Stars Who Refuse To Admit Their 15 Minutes Are Over
The barely-famous are the most tenacious almost-celebrities we have. They are the ones who take a single instance of notoriety and cling to it like a tick on the belly of a mangy dog. They may have been relevant for a moment, but today, you'll mostly see their names in passing, and usually only because they've done something intentionally stupid for attention. Here are some "stars" who refuse to just go away.
Tonya Harding
There are few more terrible things on this planet that seeing Tonya Harding's brain-damaged version of comedy commentary on TruTV's World's Dumbest series. Ice skating was barely relevant when Harding was implicated in the attack on arch-rival Nancy Kerrigan, and were it not for that merciless knee-clubbing, no one would remember Harding's name today. Harding is a failed boxer, a failed musician, and she intentionally released her own sex tape in a futile bid for enduring fame. There's no telling what stunt she'll pull next, but it won't be skating. Or interesting.
Scott Stapp
Scott Stapp, the former lead singer of Creed, saw his band record three albums before breaking up, only to reunite a few years later and disband once again due to creative differences. After a number of suicide attempts and divorces, Stapp posted a bizarre video on Facebook, claiming that he was penniless and homeless, though these claims were later denied by his family. Rather than keep quiet and get the help that he needs, Stapp has made the final move of someone desperately trying to cling to fame by appearing on VH1's Couples Therapy.
Amanda Bynes
Bynes isn't much more than a Nickelodeon kid who stumbled into a few movies, but her fleeting stardom ended in 2010, when she made her last major screen appearance in Easy A. After acquiring an encyclopedia-sized police file, Bynes went legitimately crazy, claiming that her father implanted a microchip in her brain that caused her to accuse him of molestation. Today, Bynes uses Twitter to ignite hateful fights with people who actually matter in order to remain visible.
Bristol Palin
When your path to fame is built by being the daughter of an insane Alaskan politician-turned-talking-head, you need to milk that moose for all it's worth. Sarah Palin's daughter became a vocal abstinence spokesgirl, despite being a teen mom herself, but failed to ride her mother's coattails when Sarah disastrously lost her political power. Instead, Bristol appears on reality shows whenever she can, and continues to barf out backward political opinions as loudly as she can so people will notice her again.
Kris Jenner
If Kim Kardashian's questionable rise to fame wasn't pointless enough, her mother's fame is even more pathetic. Kris relishes the role of being the matriarch of a terrible brood. At least Kim could dance once, but the talentless Kris latches onto her kids for sustenance like an alien facehugger. Kris attempted to go out on her own by hosting her own talk show, which failed after only 16 boring episodes due to her tragic disability of being born without a personality. Today, she continues to publish comments on social issues and O.J. Simpson, hoping that someone will notice.
Farrah Abraham
When Farrah Abraham documented her struggles with teen motherhood on MTV in 2009, she got famous, and that should have been the end of it. Instead of quietly retiring to raise her offspring like a human, Abraham has been doing everything she possibly can to remain visible. She released a professionally-filmed sex tape and pretended it was leaked, coughed out an auto-tuned album, appeared on Couples Therapy by herself after her hired boyfriend bailed, and most recently, returned to a Teen Mom reunion show, revealing that she's learned nothing in the past decade.
Amber Rose
The average person had never heard of Amber Rose until she started tweeting pictures of a thong wedged firmly 'twixt her nethers, as some kind of weird attack against the equally-pointless Kardashian horde for stealing her various boyfriends. It's hard to tell what she actually does, aside from launch jealous feuds and claim that she's not interested in fighting. Does she host a talk show? Produce eyewear? Post a lot of pictures to Twitter? Either way, it's not relevant, it never has been, and it can stop now.
Iggy Azalea
Known more for her Twitter fights than her mediocre music, Iggy Azalea is another performer who manufactures more controversy than songs. Azalea finally found steady radio play with "Fancy," a narcissistic ode to wealth, which was quickly deemed "the song of the summer." Amid tweets and lyrics that expressed racist and homophobic views, and a quickly dwindling fanbase, Azalea cancelled her world tour because of poor ticket sales and an inability to find opening acts. She continues to Internet-fight for attention, so at least she's sticking with her strengths.
Kendra Wilkinson
What do you do after becoming famous for being one of three generic blondes who slept with an old, rich billionaire? And what if you're mostly known for being the dumb one? While Hugh Hefner's other two ladies from The Girls Next Door have gone on to make something of their lives, Kendra clings to the do-nothing, know-nothing life of being on reality TV. Flitting from reality show to reality show, Kendra's aging exploits stopped being funny three shows ago. In this episode, Kendra goes for marriage counseling. Who cares?