After Whitney Houston’s death in 2012, her older brother, Michael Houston, told Oprah Winfrey that he felt responsible for his sister’s untimely demise.

Speaking to Winfrey, Michael shared that he believed his own drug use was what led his sister to begin using herself. “We did everything together,” he admitted.

As for whether he had been present the first time Whitney used freebasing and crack cocaine, Michael appeared unsure at first, before acknowledging that he probably had been.

Knowing that he was responsible for influencing Whitney to try drugs — and went on to use drugs with her — is something that continues to haunt Michael to this day.