The Issue Anthony Bourdain Reportedly Struggled To Overcome Before His Death

This article includes mentions of suicide.

When news broke that Anthony Bourdain had died at 61, family, friends, and fans of the chef-turned-author-turned TV host plunged into mourning. Sadness turned to shock when the public learned he died by suicide. However, Bourdain had been open about his demons. His book "Kitchen Confidential" offered a delicious peek behind the scenes of the culinary world. But it also laid bare the double life of Bourdain, detailing his struggles with addiction and depression.

Bourdain admitted to first drinking alcohol as a kid before moving on to heroin, cocaine, LSD, and any other available drugs along the way. As Bourdain's career blossomed, his substance abuse worsened — until eventually, in the '80s, he was done. He got clean in the early '90s. "I was in hiding, in a deep, dark hole, and it was dawning on me [that it] was time, really time, to try to climb out," Bourdain wrote in his book (via BuzzFeed News).

Many questioned how somebody who seemingly had it all — money, success, fame, love, and a dream career — would choose to end it all. When it comes to depression, mental illness, and/or addiction, though, it's really not down to personal choice. "What do you do after your dreams come true?" Bourdain pondered in a voice-over on an episode of "Parts Unknown" (via The New Yorker). In retrospect, all the signs were there; he'd never really stopped battling his demons. And Anthony Bourdain reportedly struggled to overcome one issue, in particular, before his death.

If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline​ at​ 1-800-273-TALK (8255)​.

Anthony Bourdain hated himself for continuing to drink

To outside spectators and even close friends, the last year of Anthony Bourdain's life appeared stable and on track. He'd been working on a memoir with his former assistant, Laurie Woolever, detailing his many travel adventures. "Before Tony died, we began co-authoring a second book, based on his nearly two decades of world travel," she told CNN. "It's been a wrenching, lurching struggle to get back to that manuscript as I grieve the enormous loss of his kind, profane, surprising, and brilliant existence."

A controversial new book, "Down and Out in Paradise: The Life of Anthony Bourdain," claims to shed more light on the chef's mental state leading up to his death. "I hate being famous. I hate my job," Bourdain texted his estranged wife Ottavia Busia-Bourdain (via The Guardian). "I am lonely and living in constant uncertainty." The author, Charles Leerhsen, claims Bourdain had grown exhausted and jaded by the constant travel accompanying the filming of his hit show.

"It's an age-old story of being careful what you wish for, of dealing with success and love in oceanic proportions," Leerhsen writes. He also alleges that although Bourdain had remained clean from drugs, he continued to drink, something he reportedly "hated" about himself. However, Bourdain was never one for moderation or restraint. "Recovery, you might say, was one of the few things he couldn't go all the way with. If he did something, he did it all out," Leerhsen notes.

If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline​ at​ 1-800-273-TALK (8255)​.