Celebs Who Can't Stand Working With Animals
We've all heard of actors feuding with each other on set, but celebs who can't stand working with animals? Yes, that's actually a thing. We know it sounds nuts — after all, it seems like basically every celebrity in Hollywood has stripped down for PETA at some point, so how bad could it possibly be to goof around with a lovable dog or trot around set on a horse?
Pretty bad, apparently, at least according to this surprising list of movie and TV vets — that's veterans, not veterinarians — who have not only willingly besmirched the good names of their fuzzy co-stars, but, in one case, even wished them dead! Yeah, the struggle is apparently that real when it comes to acting opposite a monkey.
Anyway, these are the stories of the stars who wish they would have heeded the wise words of W.C. Fields, who said, "Never work with children or animals."
Moose was there to work, not socialize
Could there have possibly been a more adorable sitcom mascot than Eddie on Frasier? Whether he was causing some kind of mischief in Frasier's swanky high-rise apartment, or just treating everyone to his thousand-yard stare, Eddie served as a wonderful foil to the antics of the neurotic psychologist and his working-class dad. But Eddie was an actor, after all. His real name was Moose, and believe us when we say Moose was no Eddie in real life.
According to TV Guide, Kelsey Grammer said Moose used to bite John Mahoney "whenever he'd sit on his lap." Mahoney, of course, played Martin, Frasier's dad. Grammer also claimed, "Mahoney hated [Moose]."
Mahoney took it a little easier on the curmudgeonly canine, though he admits Moose bit him twice, but only because he was accidentally provoked. Speaking with Fox News, he said, "I love dogs. But Moose ... I just realized right off the bat he's not interested in me. So to heck with it! I'm not going to knock myself. I'll just tolerate him as much as he tolerates me. And so, we got along all right." Mahoney added, "He was a temperamental actor as far as I'm concerned."
Bovine intervention
The film adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's musical, Into The Woods, combines the narratives of several Brothers Grimm fairy tales, as well as an original story about a childless couple, played by Emily Blunt and James Corden, who must break a curse in order to fulfill their dream of starting a family. It's mind-boggling to think of what it took to coordinate the kind of special effects, costuming, set design, and musical orchestration it took to pull off the film, and according to James Corden, the whole thing would have run a lot smoother without Tug the cow gumming up the works.
Speaking with USA Today, Corden couldn't talk enough trash on Tug, who played Milky White, one of the objects the couple needed to retrieve for the witch, played by Meryl Streep, to break the curse. Referring to Tug as "the biggest diva on set," Corden quipped, "It didn't change my mind about eating burgers working with that cow."
Apparently Tug had a habit of letting out ill-timed "Moos" in the middle of the human actors' brilliant performances, including those of Streep. Unforgivable, right? Corden didn't hold back when he said the experience was "a (expletive) nightmare," and that "five minutes was too long with that cow." Seriously though, who moos when Meryl Streep is doing her thing? Has this cow even seen Sophie's Choice?
Monkey business
Marcel, Ross' pet monkey on Friends, is easily the most famous animal actor on this list. Actually, the most famous two actors, because Marcel was played by Katie and Monkey, two female capuchins who have had incredible Hollywood success since their time with Manhattan's most improbable group of twentysomethings.
According to BuzzFeed, Katie has gone on to roles in Bruce Almighty and 30 Rock, and even appeared alongside model Kendall Jenner in a spread for Allure. That's pretty remarkable, considering David Schwimmer, who played Ross, once told EW, "I hate that monkey. I wish it were dead," which is not a great reference. Schwimmer's frustration was mostly because the trainers wouldn't let him "bond" with Katie and Monkey. "It's a bummer," he said.
Matthew Perry, who played Chandler, was similarly unkind to Katie and Monkey. In fact, he didn't even bother to learn their actual gender, or the fact that there were two of them. "The monkey doesn't know he's on TV," Perry told The Morning Call, while lamenting that no matter how good the actors' takes were, they would always end up having to use the one where Monkey or Katie miraculously did the thing they were supposed to do.
Then Perry got personal. "The monkey also ate live worms," he said, adding, "And then he'd vomit constantly." Look, we're not here to judge anyone, but it's not like Perry didn't have his fair share of issues during his time on set. Glass houses, buddy.
No creature was safe on The Sopranos
HBO's groundbreaking mafia drama, The Sopranos, used animals in a way unlike any other show before it. From the very beginning of the series, family boss Tony's affinity for animals was not only a nod to his apparent sociopathy, but also the impetus for pivotal plot points — think Tony's first panic attack while looking at ducks, or the time he got triggered into homicidal rage over the death of a race horse.
But there was another animal on the show that didn't serve any loftier purpose than comic relief: Adriana's dog, Cosette. The little pooch was always irritating her fiancé, Tony's nephew Christopher, in some way, and in true, gruesome Sopranos fashion, Cosette met her end when Christopher sat on her in a heroin-induced stupor. Admittedly, that's about as dark as comic relief can get, but maybe there was a reason Cosette got taken out like that.
"She was always biting us," Drea de Matteo, the actress who played Adriana told EW. Then, adding a very Sopranos-esque insult, she said, "She wasn't even a full Maltese, to be honest."
Oh, well in that case, good riddance!
Living La Vida Dolce
In the 2011 dramedy Young Adult, Charlize Theron plays Mavis, an emotionally damaged author who goes on an ill-fated mission to reclaim an old high school flame. She travels with a tiny Pomeranian, who doesn't really have a lot to do in the film except get stuffed into purses. Perhaps the reason for that is because the dog, Dolce, was a total amateur.
During an interview on The Tonight Show (via SheKnows), Theron told Jay Leno that the director of the film, Jason Reitman, actually spotted Dolce out in public, and cast her right on the sidewalk. "You couldn't get it to focus for like two seconds," Theron said of Dolce's lackluster performance. "It was insane. It really was the perfect dog for Mavis but it was driving Charlize crazy."
Dolce's inexperience even torpedoed a pivotal scene Reitman planned for the film. "Jason wanted an emotional breakdown with the dog at the end, and that didn't happen," Theron told Empire. "Because that dog wouldn't give me an emotional breakdown. ... My face was covered in applesauce, I had liver pate on my breasts, I was dog treat heaven, and I couldn't get this dog to focus." It sort of puts that old saying, "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur," into perspective, doesn't it?
A rat by any other name...
Though comedy veteran Ben Stiller didn't come right out and say that he hated working with the ferret in Along Came Polly, he was pretty candid about the time it attacked him out of the blue. Speaking with TV Guide, he said, "I was bitten by the ferret, but I didn't do anything, I swear. I was holding him up and he did this crazy turn-around thing. He literally attached himself to my chin and he didn't let go."
Stiller then described the rodent's teeth as "sharp like razors," and suggested that the reason for the random attack was because he'd "just gotten a root canal the day before." Okay.
He ended up having to get a rabies shot because of the bite, which probably led to his uncomplimentary commentary about the little guy in a press junket to promote the film.
"I mean, they're rat-like creatures, just let's face it," Stiller said, which was a sentiment echoed by his co-star, Jennifer Aniston, who confirmed, "It's not the warmest, cuddliest animal. It's just a big rat at the end of the day." And here we thought Philip Seymour Hoffman's character was the grossest thing in that movie.
Just don't ask Cuba Gooding Jr. about dogs
In an interview with ScreenSlam, Cuba Gooding Jr. seemed to have the utmost respect for the dogs featured in his 2002 fish-out-of-water comedy, Snow Dogs. The Oscar-winning actor marveled a how "attentive" the trainers were able to keep the pack of huskies cast to play his inherited sled dog team. However, he did offer the caveat, "After you do 15 takes and you finally get it right, a dog could screw it up and you gotta go again."
Perhaps that offers some insight into his more candid, if not odd, remark to EW, who asked him whether it was "the snow or the dogs" that attracted him to the role. "A brother does not like the cold. That movie changed my sinuses for three years," Gooding Jr. said, curiously adding, "If I see a dog again, I might kick him in the b***s to make a cat happy." Great. That didn't really answer the question, but if you were wondering if Cuba Gooding Jr. is completely crazy, that base is now covered for you.
Kristen Stewart conquers her hippophobia
Of all of the celebs on this list who can't stand working with animals, Kristen Stewart is the only one that actively pursued a role in spite of her fear of a certain kind of four-legged co-star. Speaking with People, Stewart revealed that she's had a fear of horses ever since she fell off one when she was 9 years old and "broke and dislocated" her elbow.
Since then, she said she's literally hated the noble creatures as well as all of the horseback riding that went along with them for the film, Snow White and the Huntsman. But for Stewart, the titular role of Snow White was finally a chance for her to "do a f***ing badass action movie" that wasn't "thoughtlessly badass," since the character was "endowed with so much and there's so much inside her."
And so she rode. A lot. And she hurt herself a lot, as well, but she did it all with the spirit of an action hero. "I wanted so badly to do this that it was just like, 'Alright, well, if I perish by horse, that's all good,'" Stewart said. All jokes aside, yeah, that actually is pretty badass right there.
The most dangerous movie ever made
The celebs who have the most legitimate reason for why they can't stand working with animals have to be the showbiz family of Tippi Hendren, her then-husband Noel Marshall, and their children Melanie Griffith (Yes, that one) and John Marshall. Together, they made Roar, the terrifyingly violent 1981 film about a family living among free-roaming lions in Africa. It was so crazy, it even boasted the taglines, "No animals were harmed in the making of this film. 70 cast and crew were," and "The most dangerous movie ever made."
Speaking with The New York Post, John said it was just as horrifying as it sounds. He claims he was mauled by a lion, as was Melanie, who required "dozens of stitches and plastic surgery." Tippi suffered a broken leg, and Noel was injured so frequently he contracted gangrene. And that's not even counting the crew members who also risked their lives, like director Jan de Bont who "had his scalp ripped off by a lion and required 120 stitches."
Surprisingly, John said of the experience, "It was amazing to live through that. I should have died many times. But I kind of want to do it again."
Hendren later downplayed the severity of the injuries, noting that her experience on the film inspired her to become an activist for big cats, particularly in raising awareness against allowing people to keep them as pets. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?