Why Miley's Fans Are Going To Turn On Her

Like ebola or a volcanic ash cloud rocketing towards your defenseless city, Miley Cyrus is hard to escape. No matter what channel you turn to, which website you visit, or cloud you gaze upon, you'll be accosted by images of Miley gyrating and sticking out her tongue like some kind of desperate, overheating animal locked in a car. With this kind of overexposure, it can't be too long before even her biggest fans will turn on her... and here's why.

Fans Get Older

Miley's core demographic consists mostly of teenage girls (and a selection of very sad old men). The problem with teenagers is that they're usually pretty stupid and don't know the value of a dollar—because until you're paying for your first colonoscopy, you really don't appreciate the fact that one month of paychecks is being spent for the questionable privilege. These impressionable teenage minds will develop and start feeling the unbearable pressure of paying bills. A concert ticket isn't always possible when you're paying your local school taxes.

It's A Toxic Fanbase

Despite Miley's repeated insistence that her fans not be hateful morons towards other musicians or anyone with a perceived grievance against her, teenage girls can be a vengeful and spiteful lot. Like a fishtank that no one ever bothers to clean, the angry environment of her fanbase can quickly become very toxic, weakening even the most dedicated fans. They've already started fleeing to avoid the pointless celebri-drama. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Miley Kinda Hates Her Fans Anyway

Miley recently commented that a male fan's 29 tattoos of her were "ugly and creepy," and subsequently blocked the weirdo on Twitter. While this probably seems like a sensible action when someone carves pictures of you all over their mortal flesh, Miley is also quoted as saying that she just outright doesn't like kids, but mostly when they're disrespectful to their parents. There are better ways to teach your bratty fans some manners, but stomping on them in an interview doesn't generate much goodwill. How's your dad anyway, Miley? Very sad?

Children Aren't Ever Sexy

One might say that Miley is a true artist by being creative and subversive, but creativity has legal limits for very good reasons. By dressing as a small child and invoking elements of childhood while performing highly sexualized motions and lyrics, Miley has effectively monetized the exploitation of kids under the guise of "art." As she teeters closer and closer to the edge of absolute obscenity, her fans' tolerance for her antics is waning fast.

Enough With The Tongue

When your main creative signature is making stupid, stupid, stupid faces, people are going to get tired of it. Unless you're the kind of special idiot who still laughs when Sheldon Cooper says "Bazinga," this kind of behavior is already tired. As Miley becomes increasingly childish, her fans will be just beginning to explore their adulthood, and the divide will grow. Jimi Hendrix lit guitars on fire. Keith Moon busted up his drum kit. Miley sticks out her tongue. One of these things is not like the others.

Miley Bagged A Hemsworth

Jealousy is probably the most popular emotion among teenage girls, so their envy of Miley's capture of Liam Hemsworth is palpable, even though none of the in-fighting Tumblrinas never stood a chance of meeting Thor's little brother. As the jealous rage built among the delusional and lonely, thinking Miley and Liam were careening towards mankind's most vomitously decadent wedding, envious fans turned their backs so as not to witness the soul-crushing ceremony. Fortunately for them, the couple has separated, but what a bunch of Thor losers.

Accusations Of Cultural Appropriation

Like many pop stars, Miley has already lost a portion of fans after she was accused of being a rich white girl appropriating both black and gay cultures. When Miley did a performance to benefit homeless LGBT youth, some in the community decided that they didn't really want her help and was only using a hot topic to gain attention. Even though she now defines herself as "pansexual," her use of specific demographics to gain attention for herself is seen as crass by plenty of sensitive fans.

Miley The Singularity

You know that show you used to like before it started showing in five-hour marathons on the daily, and now the opening bars of the theme song make you want to puke? That's Miley Cyrus. There's only so much that even the most insane fan can take before the ridiculous wall of Miley comes crashing down and becomes an asphyxiating, pink cloud that no one on Earth can escape. Like climate change and Wi-Fi signals, Cyrus has become the everything and everywhere, and it's a little hard to take.

Children Are Fickle

How long was Justin Bieber's reign of terror, really? With his increasingly erratic behavior and slow crawl towards his career-ending thirties, he's all but disappeared from the public eye, no matter how often he tries to poke it. Bieber, like most garbage, is finite. It's easy to see Miley traveling the same path. As she forces herself into edgier behaviors, her recreational drug use and creative missteps will get the better of her, and she'll quietly fade away as her fans simply lose interest.

The Day The Music Dies

Most artists are just one terrible album away from a total career collapse. Even though Miley's career has been swallowed by her personality rather than elevating her musical creativity, and her fans aren't exactly experts at musical substance, when she eventually releases an album of farts over the sounds of a bustling furniture factory, that'll be the end of her terrible reign. Her fans will finally see the truth. Pray that the Miley-sized gap isn't filled by something worse.