The Most Ridiculous Kardashian Products

If there's one thing the Kardashians have mastered—aside from ushering in the end times—it's branding. Since becoming the most recognizable family of the reality TV landscape, the members of the K clan have shamelessly lent their names and likenesses to a variety of products and services. Some have made make total sense, like their beauty products. There is no better spokesperson for self-tanning bronzer gel than a shallow, vanity-fixated fame monster. But of course they didn't stop there. Here's a list of their strangest business ventures that seem tailor-made for the Walmart bargain bin.

If you're searching for a gift that says "I'd like our friendship to be over," then look no further than Kim Kardashian's 352 page book filled with pictures of her face. That's literally the entire book. Of course, as an added bonus, each picture does come with a deep reflection about the moment of the snapshot, including details about who her makeup and hair stylists were, what labels she was wearing, and what other fabulous people were around at the time. It's a fascinating glimpse into Kim's world, as long as your definition of fascinating is dead wrong. The only acceptable context for this book to exist should be as reference material loaded onto a starship that's crewed by humanity's last hope as they search for a new home planet while periodically reminding themselves how terribly we screwed up the first one.

The idea of a "couture lollipop" is so ridiculous on its face that the only people who could ever actually sell it would have to be the Kardashians. Think about it: they're both falsely overvalued versions of normal things. That's why multiple Kardashian women have hawked the costly treats that can run as high as $30 a pop. That's right, for one lollipop, they'd like you to plunk down the price you'd pay for a tank of gas, two IMAX tickets, or five or six Chipotle burritos depending on what part of the country you live in. We're not economics scholars, but that sounds like the business plan of a complete moron, and now that we put it that way, it makes total sense.

At the time of this writing, the surge in popularity of waist trainers—modern day corsets—is probably the most regressive step in the body acceptance movement. And while "no pain no gain" is the mantra of many gym rats, we doubt they're talking about sore ribs, acid reflux, and difficulty breathing, which are all possible side effects of waist training. But since the Kardashians are singularly focused on wealth and vanity, this is a product endorsement deal made in heaven. That is, if you believe in a creator of humans and think he's up there going, "You know, I should have focused more on the mid-section. Hopefully they'll invent a painful, self-shaming contraption to fix my goof." But that's just the thing—there's absolutely no evidence that waist trainers even work. It's almost as if the Kardashians know they're selling a defective product and don't care because they're unscrupulous paper chasers, but no, that can't be right. They'd never do that.

Hey, wanna know what Kris Jenner's using to enhance her love life these days? Wait, where are you guys going? Well, if you're still reading, and sorry about your lunch by the way, this is the part where we tell you about Kris Jenner endorsing Zestra Essential Arousing Oils, a blend of botanicals and extracts she uses to "experience deep pleasurable sensations." That's right, the matriarch of the Kardashians is selling lubricant, because if a member of that family is going grab the spotlight with a public showcase of her sexuality, it's going to be her. Wait, what's this? Kim Kardashian got famous how? Nevermind, everyone, the lube thing is nothing. This family's already through the looking glass in this department.