Inside Sarah Jessica Parker's Relationship With Robert Downey Jr.
The following article mentions addiction.
Years before Sarah Jessica Parker married longtime love Matthew Broderick and started a family, and years before Robert Downey Jr. married longtime love Susan Downey and started a family, RDJ and SJP seemed to be OTP. The key word being, of course, "seemed." From 1985 to 1992, Robert Downey Jr. and Sarah Jessica Parker were in a serious relationship, but ultimately, it was not a compatible pairing. The "Iron Man" actor told Parade in 2008 (via People), "I liked to drink, and I had a drug problem, and that didn't jibe with Sarah Jessica, because it is the furthest thing from what she is. She provided me a home and understanding. She tried to help me." He added, "I was in love with Sarah Jessica ... and love clearly was not enough."
Though this former couple did not work out, it sure sounds like there's no bad blood. "I will say, I don't regret any of it," Parker told People years after the split. "I don't resent the time spent."
Without further ado, let's take a look back at the relationship between these iconic old loves.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
They met in 1984 while co-starring in a movie
Robert Downey Jr. and Sarah Jessica Parker were just 18 years old when they first locked eyes. They met while acting alongside each other in the 1984 drama "First Born," a film which had the two playing classmates. Behind the scenes, they became more than co-stars; it didn't take long for the actors to realize their feelings for one another. And instead of playing hard to get, Downey and Parker took the leap and started dating immediately.
"I guess Sarah thought I looked scary enough to be interesting," Downey joked in a 1985 interview with People. Parker had zero dating experience before meeting Downey, but the future Marvel star had multiple girlfriends in the past. Yet, according to Downey, they never felt like authentic relationships, as he believed those relationships were more about his status as an actor than who he was as a person. And then Parker came along.
Parker and Downey became an "it couple" of the decade, and their romance didn't burn out until the early '90s. When asked about that period on "CenterStage" in 2018, Parker said, "It was a really adventurous, important eight years of my life."
They kept their relationship a secret at first
After only two months of dating, Robert Downey Jr. and Sarah Jessica Parker moved in together. Although they were only 18 years old when they began sharing a home, both actors were eager to pursue a serious relationship with one another. Despite many people questioning their romance, implying that they were too young to be moving so quickly, Parker shrugged off the doubters. "Are you not supposed to be serious about anything when you're 20 years old?" the "Hocus Pocus" actor pondered to People two years into their courtship. It turns out Parker wasn't the only one who was fully committed. According to Downey, he was fully prepared to start a family with his then-girlfriend. He told the Los Angeles Times, "It's inevitable that we'll have children, raise a family — do all the traditional stuff."
Despite how committed they were, it took some time for Downey and Parker to feel comfortable publicizing their romance. As Parker said in People, they wanted to keep their relationship under wraps at first, out of fear that they'd be judged for moving so quickly.
But clearly, the couple didn't feel the need to keep their relationship a secret for too long. Two years down the road, Parker and Downey invited People into their abode so they could let the world in on their love story. Not only does the interview observe their relationship, but it also gives readers a peek into their one-of-a-kind home.
The two moved into a legendary Hollywood home
Let's get to the house details, shall we? Sarah Jessica Parker and Robert Downey Jr. lived together in a two-story house located in Hollywood. As People and the Los Angeles Times noted, the pink stucco home's previous residents list included a number of iconic celebrities, such as John Lennon, Bette Davis, and Charlie Chaplin. The Spanish-style house was filled with Art Deco furniture — furniture that, as Downey said in the Los Angeles Times, was purchased during one of the many shopping sprees he'd gone on. He told the newspaper that his spending habits could be traced back to his struggles with addiction, adding that he'd worked to overcome those urges. But the red baby grand piano in his house, for one thing, was not a result of one of his compulsive shopping sprees. "I saw it in a store window on La Cienega and went in and actually bargained for it," he said.
According to Downey and Parker, they rarely left their Hollywood home. "The reason you go out," Downey told People, "is to find somebody with whom you can live comfortably. I don't think I need to look any further."
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
Sarah Jessica Parker was a good influence
Robert Downey Jr.'s father was a huge fan of Sarah Jessica Parker, and not just because of her acting work. Robert Downey Sr. believed Parker to be a positive influence on his son. "I thank God for Sarah Jessica Parker," Downey Sr. told People in 1985. "Without her, Robert would go at 100 miles an hour into a brick wall. They're very sweet together. He might become a gentleman as a result of this." Furthermore, the "Weird Science" actor admitted that Parker helped keep him out of trouble, adding that the "Sex and the City" helped him learn how to be more of a grownup. "She got me an accountant and made me open a bank account," Downey Jr. said in People.
All and all, it sounds like Parker had a great impact on Downey Jr.'s life as he continued to struggle with addiction. As he said on "The Howard Stern Show" in 2016, "[Sarah and I] actually had a very conservative relationship considering the fact that she was normal, and I was out of my mind."
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
They got super creative with date night
Instead of dinner and a movie, Sarah Jessica Parker and Robert Downey Jr. had a much more exciting idea of how to bond as a couple. One of their favorite forms of date night included having highly competitive water balloon fights. According to People, when Downey and Parker were feeling especially mischievous, they'd throw the water balloons at their unsuspecting neighbors from the second floor of their home. "It's very immature, I know. But fun," Parker told the magazine. When they got bored with that, they'd spend their time speeding down slides at the nearby waterpark.
Sounds kind of like a blast, right? Well, it was, until it wasn't. Because of Downey's struggle with addiction to drugs and alcohol, their relationship took a sharp turn once Parker realized what was going on. According to the "Sex and The City" star, there was a significant period of time within their relationship when she had no idea that Downey was using. As she told People in 2018, "I was like, 'Why is his heart beating so fast? Don't do so many pushups before bed!'"
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
They wanted to get married
In their 1985 People interview, Robert Downey Jr. and Sarah Jessica Parker revealed that they wanted to have a big Jewish wedding at a luxurious hotel in West Hollywood. Downey even gave Parker a diamond ring, yet the "LA Story" actor insisted it was just a sweet gift instead of a symbol signifying an engagement. "It's kind of a hanging-out-together ring," she told the magazine. (Classic celeb move.)
While many aspects of their relationship were arguably rushed, they never dove head first into a marriage with one another. In fact, as far as we know, they were never technically engaged. But as the "Sherlock Holmes" actor said in a 2015 "The Howard Stern Show" interview, despite not getting down on one knee for Parker, he had planned on spending the rest of his life with her. "Any time I was in a relationship, I thought, 'You're going to bury me next to this woman," he said. "But it's not that simple, and God has other plans."
Sarah Jessica Parker learned a lot in the relationship
Due to Robert Downey Jr.'s struggles with addiction, the "Hocus Pocus" star has said there were times she had to look out for her then-boyfriend as though he were a child. Eventually, Sarah Jessica Parker mustered up the courage to leave the relationship. Although she still cared for Downey, she wanted to find a partner who could treat her like a lover as opposed to a caretaker.
But dating the "Weird Science" actor came with some unexpected benefits. "It taught me how I love," she revealed to Jess Cagle in a 2016 People interview. "And what's the difference between loving and taking care of people and what's necessary, and what grown-ups should and shouldn't do for one another... Maybe it taught me a little bit about being a parent too, because the things that I ended up caring about, and the way I cared for Downey, were things that might be more suitable for a parent at a certain point."
Some time after her relationship with Downey, Parker became a parent. As of 2022, she shares three kids with her husband, Matthew Broderick — all of whom are her top priority. As she said in Glamour in 2009, "Most important to me is my home life and the well-being of my children."
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
Sarah Jessica Parker feared for his life
At a certain point, Robert Downey Jr.'s drug and alcohol use led Sarah Jessica Parker to believe he wouldn't survive the disease. Being his significant other, she felt a sense of responsibility toward him, and she took the initiative to be there for Downey at every waking moment. However, she began to realize how much she was neglecting her own needs, and she found it necessary to leave him.
"Eventually, I guess I just summoned the courage to leave him," the "Divorce" star said on the "WTF with Marc Maron" podcast. "The biggest, hardest choices about those kinds of relationships are feeling brave enough to leave, even if you think they're going to die." She added that although she never stopped loving Downey, she had to end things for the sake of her own mental health. Ultimately, taking care of the actor became too draining. "You love this person, and you're afraid they're gonna die if you aren't there to shore up their base every single solitary day," she told Maron. "I just didn't want him to die."
Downey has overcome his struggles with addiction, and has reportedly been sober since the early 2000s. According to a 1996 issue of People, Downey had been using drugs since childhood. "When my dad and I would do drugs together," he said, "it was like him trying to express his love for me in the only way he knew how."
If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
The actors are on good terms with one another
Over two decades after they broke up, Sarah Jessica Parker and Robert Downey Jr. decided to meet up, catch up, and tie up any loose ends. When Downey was a guest on "The Howard Stern Show" in 2015, he spilled the details about how he reached out to Parker and asked her out to lunch. The old flames reconnected at a tapas restaurant, and both were thrilled to see how much the other was thriving. "Seeing her, I was like, 'She is so great, and so cool, and so funny, and so in command,'" said Downey. "And I got to meet her kids and I saw the way she and Matthew [Broderick] lived, and I respect both of them so much."
Furthermore, Parker is proud to say that the two are on good terms. "It was really nice to see him. ... I was fortunate in that I never felt that there were hard feelings," she said on "CenterStage." "You know, we weren't estranged, we had simply gone on with our lives." Though both have long moved on from their relationship, RDJ and SJP clearly hold nothing but respect for one another all these years later.