What's Next For Honey Boo Boo?
Alana "Honey Boo Boo" Thompson's show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo met with cancellation August 2014. But she's got way too much sass and pizzazz to let losing one television show stop her from making her mark on the world. Either tomorrow or years from now, Honey Boo Boo is going to come back stronger than ever before and force people to acknowledge her existence...and she's probably going to go at it in one of the following ways. Look out world because here comes Honey Boo Boo. Again!
Another reality show
It's really only a matter of time before Honey Boo Boo lands another show of some kind. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo had an averaged about 2 million viewers per episode, so she already has a built-in audience. There's at least one producer out there who's salivating over those numbers. What kind of show she books is anybody's guess. With the popularity of her own show, it's possible another network will give her another starring role. However, it's more likely that she'll appear on one of those ensemble reality shows, like The Biggest Loser. Someone's gotta help her lose that "Go Go Juice" weight.
Writing her tell-all book
Sadly, way too much precedent exists for this one. With the likes of Teresa Giudice, Snooki, the Kardashians, and other reality "stars" penning unnecessary tomes of inane blather, it's only a matter of time before Honey Boo Boo lands her own publishing contract. As abhorrent as that idea sounds, at least the world will have a new favorite book to keep tables and chairs from wobbling.
Becoming a pageant trainer
When Honey Boo Boo realizes the life of beauty pageantry is no longer for her, if it ever was, she can turn her attention behind the scenes work, nurturing the talents of others. Since most of her early years were spent in beauty contests, Honey Boo Boo should have ample knowledge and experience to impart upon children longing to become stars in their own right. It's easy to picture her all hopped up on Red Bull and Mountain Dew, throwing chairs at her students when they don't walk correctly or hold their heads up high enough. And in moments of calmness, she can provide them snippets of sage wisdom, child.
Cutting her debut album
Since Honey Boo Boo has already released a debut single, and video, it probably won't be long before she releases a full album. She probably has a few albums' worth of songs ready to record, or more likely, Mama June has them ready for her. All Honey Boo Boo needs is an immoral record exec willing to cash in on what little fame she has left, and she can continue her audio-visual assault on the world. So really, it's only a matter of time. God help us all.
A stint in prison
This isn't to say that Honey Boo Boo deserves to go to prison. There's no evidence of her having committed any crimes warranting her going to jail. However, features in her life seem to point down this path. First, she's a child star, and child stars tend to wind up in jail, like Todd Bridges, Edward Furlong, and Jake Lloyd, to name a few. The other thing probably nudging Honey Boo Boo towards the penal system is that she associates with criminals, albeit unintentionally. Her father Sugar Bear has a burglary conviction from 1994, and he was arrested in 1998 for possession of a firearm. Mama June was jailed for four days in 2008 for unpaid rent. Pretty much every adult in Honey Boo Boo's life has a mugshot for some reason. Things don't look good for Honey Boo Boo.
Trip to rehab or a therapist or both
Again, this isn't something Honey Boo Boo deserves, but it's probably something she needs. One of the criticisms against Mama June is how she poured Go Go Juice, a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull, down her daughter's throat to keep her pageant-ready. Mama June claims it's not as bad as giving her alcohol, but Mama June doesn't seem that bright to begin with. Both drinks are not only loaded with caffeine but sugar as well, and sugar is believed to be as addictive as heroin, if not more so. Hence, it's in Honey Boo Boo's best interest that someone drag her to some kind of addiction recovery service, no matter how much she squeals in protest. In the end, she'll be thankful.
Making a go at competitive eating
Or Honey Boo Boo could forgo a happy, healthy life altogether and enter the world of competitive eating. From watching her show, it's obvious she has everything necessary to be a successful professional binger. Lack of shame: check. Self-esteem defined by the cheers of others: check. Being able to commit to self-destructive activities and behavior: double check. While Honey Boo Boo may be too young to compete now, it doesn't mean she can't at least begin training. Plus, Mama June doesn't seem like she'd have any problems with her daughter taking up this activity. If anything, Mama June seems like the type to condone it, just so long as she can get some attention for herself.
Getting paid to party at clubs around the world
This is something Honey Boo Boo can pursue when she's older. Celebrities get paid big bucks to show up at parties for even just a few minutes. According to The NY Daily News, Lea Michele supposedly got paid $20,000 by Lacoste to go to Coachella. Vanessa Hudgens got $15,000 to do the same. And it's not just the attractive celebs who get paid for this. In 2010, Snooki earned $17,500 to attend some party in Arizona, so says Yahoo Lifestyle. Plus, even Paris Hilton still makes money doing this, and she hasn't been relevant for years. So this may be a very lucrative profession for Honey Boo Boo to pursue in the future.
Earning her PhD
Still, there remains the possibility that everyone's preconceived notions about Honey Boo Boo are wrong. She could potentially possess one of the greatest minds the world has ever seen. She has the potential to end poverty and hunger around the world, finally broker peace in the Middle East, or even find a cure for every strain of cancer. Or at the very least, she might come up with a business plan to market Go Go Juice at Taco Bell restaurants the world over. The sky's the limit!