The Most Uncomfortable Moments On Wife Swap

Content warning: The following article includes allegations of child abuse.

"Wife Swap" is a television show built on discomfort: Trading polar opposite spouses for two weeks and putting them in charge of new families isn't something coordinated for a relaxing experience. It's a cringe spectacular, with unflattering closeups, hokey music, and highlights of some of the world's most dysfunctional couples. 

First, the swapped wives (or sometimes husbands) explore their new home to get a feel for who they'll be living with — usually a neat freak will be in a messy bus or a gothic woman will end up in a conventional home. Then, they meet their new families and adhere to their rules for the first week, no matter how disturbing they find it (although sometimes they refuse). Finally, at a rule-changing ceremony, the wives get to enforce their own values over the new home. So, conventional households go ghost-hunting, misogynistic husbands have to do the cooking, homophobic men dance at gay bars, choreless kids start cleaning bathrooms, etc., — and the changes don't always sit well with everybody. Buckle up, we're in for a cringey ride!

Kids are an important part of "Wife Swap." It's a show about not only swapping wives but swapping entire families and seeing how every member adapts to the new wife/mom. And sometimes it can make for some humorous, albeit uncomfortable, moments. In Season 1, Episode 5 of the "Wife Swap" 2019 reboot, we meet Melinda and Mikel Muffley, a wealthy pair of workaholics who base their lives around appearance and comfort. Their home is a spacious mansion with a pool, yard workers, a nanny for their also-alliterated daughter Madison, and expensive cars. 

However, for the McCormicks, the only car they have is the one they live in: Nature lovers Justin and Kirsten transformed a 360-square-foot school bus into their home where they and their five kids travel as they please. The whole family pitches in for chores, including dumping out the solids from the composting toilet. These opposing lifestyles are a perfect imperfect pairing for "Wife Swap."

Two of Mrs. Muffley's concerns about the mobile home are where she will shower and where she will sleep. After Justin and the kids show her the outdoor shower, which she is quite discomfited by, she asks the very serious question of where she'll be sleeping. As if the moment isn't awkward enough, one of the McCormick's youngest sons shouts, "Daddy, she could stay in your bed!" Although a considerate thought, definitely not the answer they were looking for.

In Season 1, Episode 7, we meet the Reimers and the BIttners. Devout Christian parents Melissa and Paul Reimers care that their five children are well-behaved, disciplined, and pure. They punish them with a leather belt called the "whacker" and homeschool them to keep them away from outside influences. Meanwhile, Cindy Bittner lets her two daughters run wild over her and their stepfather Steve, with no discipline and no limitations. For the Reimers', dating for their 14-year-old daughter Molly is prohibited, but for the Bittners, dating for their 14-year-old daughter Blake is highly encouraged.

The most uncomfortable moments revolve around Blake and her relationship with her 16-year-old boyfriend, Danny. After Mrs. Reimers moves in, she becomes upset because the girls are not what she deems pure. When Blake is getting ready to go on a date, Melissa gets heated over her low-cut top and says, "You can't dress like that and have purity." She becomes frustrated over Steve's lack of control over the girls and admits she wants to shake Steve and ask him, "Do you not see her breasts?" Yikes.

And it's not just Melissa that focuses on Blake's sexuality. While introducing the Bittners, the narrator emphasizes Blake's freedom by saying, "[Blake and Danny] spend a lot of time along together in her bedroom." Although the show is trying to demonstrate their differences, a minor's sexuality and body don't need to be honed in on.

If you're particularly squeamish, we recommend you skip Episode 18 of Season 3! The Haigwoods are a family of doomsday preppers who live in the countryside of Iowa. Barbara and Mike Haigwood pride themselves on being self-sufficient, and try to unschool their children Lee and Aleesha by having them work on the farm and learn about the dangers of governmental misinformation. The whole episode is a squirm fest: There are close-ups on Barbara's legs as she shaves them at the Hess-Webbs' house and shots of the Haigwoods' uncleaned (maybe even filthy) home, but nothing compares to witnessing their unconventional diet.

The Haigwoods eat everything raw, including raw chicken or beef that ages over the course of several months before consumption. Watching Mike and Barbara take bites of what looks like wet, raw chicken, and Lee — a 15-year-old — chugging raw eggs to meet his quota of a dozen a day, is all very discomfiting. The diet leads to many disconcerting moments, including Barbara feeding Robert Hess-Webb's adolescent son raw meat, the Haigwoods sobbing after Mrs. Hess-Webb makes her rule changes, and an 11-second shot of Mike chewing four-month-old raw meat in silence.

It is important to note that Iowa's Department of Human Services investigated their home and a spokesperson said, "People who eat unusual food and feed it to their children are not abusive, nor are people whose houses are not tidy" (per The Netline).

If you or someone you know may be the victim of child abuse, please contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453) or contact their live chat services.

In this episode of "Wife Swap", Season 1, Episode 3, conservative hunter Glen Smoak has a crush on his temporary, liberal wife Amy Beaver. He and his wife Aletha haven't slept in the same bed for 11 years, so when he meets Amy, a thin blonde woman with a free spirit, he doesn't think twice about her opposing beliefs. Instead, he's completely smitten with her and says he wishes she was his real wife.

Per usual, Glen hosts a backyard gathering for his 30+ family members. And when Amy walks out to join them, all of the men stop and stare as sassy burlesque-like music plays in the background, thanks to the editing team. Glen's proud of his new housemate and brags on her to his family. It's a bit yucky.

Amy appreciates the attention, but shows no interest in having a relationship with Glen (she's happily married to her equally liberal husband Jeffrey). As if him showing her off like a toy wasn't enough, he kisses her on the cheek and hugs her throughout the episode, much to her quiet discomfort. She does play along with some of his desired roleplay, calling him "dear" before he goes hunting and doting on him, but she remains upset by his lifestyle. Watching anyone get touched without their consent is highly unpleasant. She stands her ground later in the episode, though, and it's beyond satisfying.

In the second episode of the "Wife Swap" reboot, domineering husband Jack Moon gets paired up with fire chief Halani Lobdell, who is anything but what he's looking for. Jack and Misty Moon adhere to traditional gender roles with Misty doing all of the housework/parenting and Jack doing as he pleases. He objectifies her by spanking her and supervising her while she cooks. Ick!

Halani is the complete opposite and goes against everything Moon believes in: She's a militant battalion chief ruling over a department of men and runs her home with the same intensity and vigor. She keeps both of her kids in sports, never cooks, and, in her own words, "can do a lot of things the average man can't do."

With all of the buildup, by the time Jack opens the door to meet Halani, it's a tense moment for the audience. The first question Jack asks is if she's part Indian, which she is, but starting with a question about racial identity is often pretty tone deaf. "Let's get right to the point," he says, "Do you cook?" She says no and asks if he does, to which he replies, "Cooking is for women." He admits to believing women should always wear makeup, and when Halani says she usually doesn't, he says, "Well, we'll see how you look tomorrow." This much misogyny is painful to see.

Just as in real life, racism and ignorance plague some reality shows. Should they? No. But what would "Wife Swap" be without some narrowmindedness? Episode 2 of Season 2 gives us the following: Neicey Wiggins is a Black mom who keeps her two teenaged sons on a tight leash and always makes sure the house is spic-and-span. Meanwhile, Vicki and Jeremy Felix's home has no rules, so their 5- and 9-year-old children cuss at their parents and don't do any chores. Pretty opposite families. But they are opposite in more ways than those.

While exploring the Wiggins home, Vicki sees a painting of Black women as décor, and makes a bold assumption, saying, "White people wouldn't have that hanging on their wall." When she walks into the boys' bedroom and sees its cleanliness, she's gobsmacked. "This is obviously a Black family, but they seem like they are clean."

Back in upstate New York, Mrs. Wiggins learns that her temporary husband Jeremy routinely uses racial slurs. It's not said on camera, but he does confess to it when she asks. She confronts him about his choice, but he makes fun of her by avoiding eye contact and repeating, "Take me to school." Seeing Neicey fight a pointless battle with so much passion is stressful, and his comfort with his ignorance feels abhorrent.