Inside Nico Tortorella's Polyamorous Marriage

Nico Tortorella plays the tattoo-loving hunk on TV Land's Younger. And, in real life, the television star is just as hunky. In addition to being sexually fluid, he's an LGBTQ advocate who's in a "queer polyamorous relationship" with fitness guru Bethany Meyers. 

Prior to sharing the news of their March 2018 wedding on Tortorella's Instagram account, the couple hit several bumps in the road. Though they never officially broke up, they did date other people in the years leading up to their marriage. However, Meyers remained a constant fixture in the handsome actor's life. And as lovely as the pair looked together, the world soon found out the truth about the non-conformists' relationship.

In 2017, Tortorella revealed he and Meyers were in a polyamorous relationship — which Tortorella described as meaning they "date other people" in an interview with the The Wendy Williams ShowPeople remain curious about Tortorella and Meyer's unusual relationship, but even Tortorella and Meyers don't have all the answers. But here's all we know so far about Nico Tortorella's polyamorous marriage.

More than a decade in the making

The couple's love story began at a college party in Chicago, when Bethany Meyers was 20 and Nico Tortorella was 18, according to a joint interview they gave on the actor's The Love Bomb podcast. By the time they tied the knot, they had been together, on and off, for nearly 12 years, as Tortorella told Them. "We grew up together, we grew up apart. We taught each other how to love, taught each other how to break," he penned in a piece published by the LGBTQ publication.

Being by each other's side as they explored their sexuality — while also attempting to create the type of relationship they both yearned for — included more than a few trials and tribulations. Meyers, who uses gender-neutral pronouns, revealed during The Love Bomb podcast that Tortorella was a supportive figure in their life during the termination of an unplanned pregnancy with another partner, and the Younger star shared with Them, "We've been sober, drunk, high, and addicted. We've been straight, confused, fluid, queer, bi, poly, gender enthusiasts." He added, "We've been individuals, we will forever be. We've been lovers, we are lovers, twin flames and we will forever be."

Their "forever" officially began on March 9, 2018, when they tied the knot at a courthouse, followed by the couple exchanging vows at St. Paul's Chapel in Manhattan. Tortorella shared the happy news on Instagram, alongside a caption that read, in part, "Just married. For real."

No labels, please!

The couple has gone through periods of time when they lived together and other times when they lived apart. But no matter where they were situated geographically, one thing remained the same: They never referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, as the Advocate revealed. And, even after getting married, they simply refer to each other as "family."

"Labels can be very frustrating," Bethany Meyers said. "They're evolving because people always make new words. Part of me wants to say we're going to move to a label-less society, but I don't know. Maybe [in the future] we'll just have more words."

Nico Tortorella feels the exact same way about labels. In fact, a caption on a May 2018 Instagram post — alongside a picture of himself all decked out in a black dress at a GLAAD red carpet event — shed even more light on the How Far Is Tattoo Far? host's aversion to defining himself and others. "I have started playing with using they/them pronouns for myself and for anyone I can when it's appropriate. We are ALL multidimensional dynamic creatures and as much as I understand the spectrum, the less I believe in the binary of gender, the more liberated I myself am becoming," Tortorella wrote, in part.

Where they land on the LGBTQ spectrum

Even though they're bucking traditional labels, Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers chose to publicly define themselves and their union in order to adhere to "the world's necessity for words," according to a piece they participated in with the Advocate entitled, "This Is What a Queer Family Looks Like." So, when it comes to sticking a label on individual sexual identities, things can become a little convoluted.

During a 2016 interview with Vulture, Tortorella shared, "The more I'm having these conversations, the more comfortable I am identifying as bisexual." However, the actor was "hesitant" about using the word "bisexual" because of its "negative connotation in our generation."

The following year, during the aforementioned interview with the Advocate, the Menendez: Blood Brothers star identified as "more of a pansexual," even though he admitted the term "bisexual" was still a part of him. "I can be emotionally, physically attracted to men. I can be emotionally, physically attracted to women. The 'B' in LGBTQ-plus has been fought for, for so long. I'm not going to be the person that's like, 'No, I need a 'P,' I need another letter!'" he said.

As for Meyers, the yoga lover "identifies as gay," the Advocate reported, while adding that Meyers "also embraces the queer label."

Meyers proposed marriage, but Tortorella sealed the deal

Prior to their 2018 wedding, Bethany Meyers had an epiphany. "I realized, if I was ever to marry, the person to fill that role was Nico. There wouldn't be another soul I could share my life with, another human I'd be able to trust with my family. Another person for whom my guarded heart would open," the fitness lover told Them.

While Nico Tortorella was retrieving "a dead mouse from a trap" at Meyer's home, the social media influencer came clean. "I told him I loved him, that I was going to have his kids regardless, and that I needed health insurance (true romance). 'Let's get married,' I told him," Meyers said, recalling the moment.

While the actor wanted a "grandiose" wedding, Meyers wanted something more private, telling Tortorella, "No one has to know." And, because of their differences, they didn't hammer out all the wedding details until they "took a trip to the Amazon jungle in December," during which they truly connected. "We saw each other in past lives and future lives and the visions of the good we were brought here to do in our current lives," Meyers shared. "And we were meant to do it together."

On their first day back in the States, Tortorella was ready to put things in motion. "Nico looked at me over dinner and asked if we should marry on March 9. I said, 'finally,'" Meyers stated. "And just like that, we were 'engaged.'"

They wore 'genderbending ensembles' on their wedding day

Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers became the poster children for a modern genderqueer partnership when they got married after dating on and off for over a decade. In a piece shared by the publication Them, Tortorella and Meyers shared pictures from their intimate wedding ceremony. As for their attire, they opted for gorgeous "genderbending ensembles," consisting of matching white dress-pants hybrids designed by their friend Andrew Morrison. Meyers described their wedding getups as "timeless androgynous paraphernalia mimicking romanesque sculpture that fluidly blends masculine and feminine."

Aside from nailing their gender-neutral attire, while simultaneously looking flawless, the real reason they decided that the half-pants, half-dress creations would be the best outfits to don on their wedding day was because of their equal status in their relationship. Explaining their nontraditional wardrobe choices, Meyers shared, "In this relationship, we both wear the pants and the dress."

Tortorella does whatever he wants whenever he wants

There's a reason why Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers' polyamorous marriage has garnered so much attention in the press. This couple is singlehandedly crushing heteronormative standards that have existed for so long. Still, people are very curious as to how their relationship operates, and Tortorella was more than willing to dig deeper into how he functions, not only as Bethany Meyers' spouse, but as someone who's gender-blind while speaking with Access Hollywood Live (via People).

Tortorella was asked to describe what sexual fluidity means to him. "It means I do whatever I want whenever I want it," he answered. "And I don't really have a problem with it!"

Some people might take that response as Tortorella's way of admitting that having sex with people other than Meyers is a constant occurrence in their relationship, but that's not the case at all. It's way deeper than that — well, for Tortorella, at least.

They approach outside relationships differently

While chatting with Bravo's Personal Space in September 2017 (via People), Nico Tortorella was a bit defensive about being in an polyamorous relationship. "I'm not in an open relationship so I can go out and just f**k whoever I want," Tortorella explained. "For me, it's more about the ability to emotionally connect with people outside of my primary partner."

Not too long after that interview — and his wedding ceremony — Tortorella decided to clean up some of the misconceptions about his romance with Meyers in an interview with InStyle. Tortorella made it clear that neither of them were "sleeping around with a bunch of folk." Tortorella explained, "I'm super demisexual when it comes to secondary relationships, or any relationships really," adding, "If I'm not emotionally invested, I'm not having sex with you. It's just not going to work." 

Bethany Meyers, on the other hand, sees things a bit differently. The Advocate stated The Become Project founder "has no qualms about her love of casual sex." But despite their differences, Tortorella insisted to InStyle, "We are individuals and we see love, gender, and relationships completely differently. We respect that in each other, and we allow each other that space to explore."

Distant lovers

Perhaps the most interesting aspect of their polyamorous marriage is that they've led relatively separate lives throughout the duration of their relationship, living both "together and apart — even across the country from one another" at some point, as Bethany Meyers told Women's HealthEven after tying the knot, Nico Tortorella told People, "We still don't live together," despite the publication revealing that they bought a home together in "upstate New York." However, Tortorella added, "We see each other on a weekly basis. We're FaceTiming all day, everyday."

It makes a lot more sense why Tortorella would tell InStyle that they were "the exact opposite of a traditional marriage." But a bit of traditionalism did eventually creep its way into this unconventional marriage. Tortorella told People magazine in October 2018, that he and Meyers had finally taken a big leap in their marriage by moving in together. Still, some things had remained the same. "We have an apartment in the city and a house upstate, so we still spend a lot of time apart from each other," Tortorella said. "And I think that's really healthy for our relationship and any relationship, to keep that sense of individuality, even in a union."

Transparency is key

Through all the years they've been connected to one another, Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers have each had relationships with other people. In 2013, Tortorella was close to Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan, to whom he'd once reportedly jokingly proposed (via People), though it's unclear if they ever actually dated. The following year, Lohan posted a photo of herself and Tortorella "prepping for a dinner party that included his on-off girlfriend Bethany Myers [sic]," according to Complex.

With Meyers still in the picture, it was obvious the fitness expert was just fine with Tortorella's budding relationship with the actress. However, dealing with each other's outside relationships has been tough at times. But to make things as easy-peasy for all parties involved, Meyers told Women's Health that they choose to "operate with full transparency. No Saran Wrap, nothing." Meyers added, "I've learned that when people find out about things after the fact, it's incredibly hurtful."

They're so open with each other, Meyers explained, "I would never take someone home unless Nico and I had talked about it first." 

Meyers' family allegedly pushed them away

Being forthright about their polyamorous relationship led to a lot of changes in Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers' lives, particularly with their loved ones. While attending the Worldwide Orphans Gala in New York City, Tortorella told People that their relationship had turned into a "sensitive topic right this second." The actor added, "Because of all the attention that the relationship has gotten recently, we are coming up to the holiday season and because of certain things that were said, Bethany and I are not necessarily, completely welcome in her family celebrations this year."

Tortorella told the The Wendy Williams Show that telling family members about being polyamorous was probably one of the most difficult things because the term has "zero representation" and "zero visibility." Despite receiving backlash from the ones they loved the most, Meyers told Women's Health that tons of positive feedback poured in, including a sweet message from a woman who practices the fitness influencer's workouts, who wrote Meyers to say, "You and I have COMPLETELY different beliefs, but you've really been a positive light for me and I love you."

And as for Tortorella, the actor has no regrets about being truthful about their relationship, telling People, "It just means we have to talk about it more." He added, "There are millions of people in non-traditional relationships that get cut off from their families every single day and it's not okay."

Jealousy still exists

Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers have each had relationships with other people, including when Tortorella had a six-month romance with social media influencer Kyle Krieger. It's likely the relationship didn't bother Meyers at all because the Advocate revealed the couple only really gets jealous "when they're dating someone of the opposite sex."

So, why would it really tick off Meyers if Tortorella sparked a relationship with another woman? Well, the Advocate added, it's "mainly because there's a chance of having a child, and they both desperately want to have a baby together."

Tortorella told People he was "so excited" to have children and had a goal of having "two to three" little ones with Meyers, while the Advocate noted Meyers wanted to freeze her eggs to presumably better their chances at conceiving in the future. While Tortorella was on board with that plan, he had some strict rules. "I think if you're dating another woman and you talk about adopting a kid, or using [my semen] to have a kid, outside of us, yeah, I totally can get behind that," Tortorella told Meyers during their Advocate interview. "But the thought of you getting pregnant from another dude that you were dating, I don't know, it hurts in a different way."

Polyamory is tricky

Nico Tortorella launched The Love Bomb podcast in 2016, and the very first guest was none other than Bethany Meyers. During the podcast, Meyers noted that a three-year, on-again, off-again relationship with another woman had recently ended. According to the Advocate, Tortorella was in a relationship with another woman when he and Meyers recorded the first episode, but, ultimately, his relationship wouldn't last, either. Why? "Because there was no space for him and Meyers in it, though he thought (or hoped) there would be," the Advocate reported.

As recently as that 2017 interview with the Advocate, the polyamorous couple admitted it was still difficult to include other people in their relationship. "We're still figuring it out," Meyers said, before Tortorella added, "I think we're in the best place now [that] we've ever been, but we're definitely still on an amateur level."

Growing up together and having such a deep, intense bond is great for the couple but can be intimidating to other people. "[Past partners] didn't fully realize and understand who we are and what we mean to each other," Tortorella said. Meyers agreed, but she had a remedy for any newcomers in her life. She told Women's Health that new partners would need to know that Tortorella is "an addition to the team, not a subtraction from the team."