Princess Diana's Brother Doubles Down On The Frosty Two Words She Called The Queen

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Daughter/mother-in-law dynamics are often fraught, but when you marry the eldest son of the world's most famous monarch, the stakes are infinitely higher. Princess Diana's relationship with Queen Elizabeth II was a complicated mix of institutional responsibility, maternal expectations, and some genuine affection sprinkled in. And their complicated dynamic was perfectly illustrated by the frosty two-word nickname she had for her mother-in-law: The Boss. Diana's brother, Charles Spencer, confirmed that she used the moniker when describing the kerfuffle caused by Diana's hairstyle choice for the State Opening of Parliament in 1984 (seen below).

Known as a chignon, the styling differed from Diana's usual hair and closely resembled a style favored by movie stars the previous decade. The change and Diana's audacity were all the media could talk about the following day. Elizabeth was not happy. "Diana was told off, and she — ever respectful of 'the boss,' as she called the queen — from that point on, always wore her hair more simply at events that they both attended," Spencer penned in his controversial memoir, "Swan Song: Diana, My Sister," released in September 2026 (via InStyle). 

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In an October 1995 letter addressed to King Charles III's friend, Roger Bramble, following a lunch date, Diana used the same words to refer to the queen. "I just hope your arrival at Westminster Abbey was before the Boss (The Queen) and if not, I expect to have been mentioned in the excuses!" she wrote, fearing she had made him late for his meeting with Elizabeth (via Express). It was unclear whether it was a one-off, but Spencer's recollection confirms that Diana used it on a regular basis.

Naturally, Queen Elizabeth II represented way more than a mother-in-law to Princess Diana. She was the matriarch of her country's most important family, the head of state of one of the world's most influential nations, and the monarch of 15 countries. She was an imposing presence, one that Diana struggled with particularly in the early days within the Firm. "Diana was quite simply terrified of her mother-in-law," author Andrew Morton wrote in his 1992 biography, "Diana: Her True Story: In Her Own Words" (via Mirror).

As time went on, Diana and Elizabeth's relationship evolved, hitting many ups and downs along the way. While the queen was initially supportive of the late Princess of Wales, the collapse of Diana's marriage to King Charles III, then prince, marked a major downturn in their relationship. Diana had hoped that Elizabeth would help guide her amid Charles' intensifying affair with Camilla Parker-Bowles, now Queen Camilla, only to be disappointed when she remained neutral. "I went to the top lady and said, 'I don't know what I should do,'" Diana said in 1993 tapes played in the 2017 documentary "Diana: In Her Own Words" (via The Guardian). "She said, 'I don't know what you should do.' And that was it. That was 'help.'"

Diana's reaction to her perceived lack of support within the royal family was to turn to the media. It was downhill from there. According to Charles Spencer's memoir (via DW), Elizabeth's first words after hearing of Diana's car crash in 1997 were, "What is she up to now?", suggesting that the queen remained highly reactive to all things Diana ever since the divorce.