The Untold Truth Of Dr. Ruth

Dr. Ruth Westheimer became an unlikely celebrity in the 1980s by teaching America how to speak about sex, charming talk show audiences with her distinctive German accent and frank approach to modern love.

Those audiences weren't aware of the painful past behind her journey to the United States, however, or how this diminutive middle-aged woman had lost her entire family in the Holocaust. As she told The Guardian, Westheimer only escaped the same fate because she had been sheltered in a Swiss orphanage. In the therapist's words, her parents had gifted her with life "once when [she] was born, and once when they sent [her] to Switzerland." She stayed quiet about the tragic loss of her family for many years. 

But as Westheimer told NPR, the numbers of living Holocaust survivors are dwindling. "So I do stand up to be counted because people like me who are Holocaust survivors, in that sense, have to stand up to be counted. Very few of us are leftover," the therapist explained. She also felt moved to share her experiences because of the modern-day treatment of immigrants. "I have stayed away from politics because I talk about sex from morning to night," Westheimer admitted but revealed that she does feel sympathy for families who are torn apart. "I do talk about how upset I am when I see children being separated from their parents because that's the story of my life." This is the untold truth of Dr. Ruth.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer's unassuming height has always been one of her defining characteristics. The therapist stands at only four foot seven, and as she told the Harvard Business Review, she's "lost a quarter of an inch" in recent years. "I can't lose any more, because then you won't see me — though you'll still hear me!" she joked.

As From the Grapevine reported, Westheimer used to be self-conscious about her height when she was a teenager, worrying that it would affect her future love life. "Nobody is going to want me because I'm short and ugly," she confided in her diary. Although it made her an unlikely sniper, the sex therapist has claimed that in reality, being short never held her back.

"It never hurt me," she told the Harvard Business Review, recalling how she used her height to her advantage as a student in Paris, after moving away from Israel. "On the contrary, I was lucky to be so small, because when I was studying at the Sorbonne, there was very little space in the auditoriums and I could always find a good-looking guy to put me up on a windowsill."

Although she was making "one dollar an hour in market research" when she first arrived in New York, Dr. Ruth Westheimer's academic studies soon led her to another career path.

The psychologist was a working single mother when she started attending night classes in counseling at Columbia University, per From the Grapevine. She had originally hoped to train as a pediatrician because of her unusual height. "At the age of nine or ten, I wanted to be a doctor," she told Theater Mania. "I wanted to be a medical doctor, a pediatrician, because I knew that I was short and I thought I'd be a good pediatrician for children."

Westheimer never suspected that she would become an expert on sexuality until she started working with Planned Parenthood in a part-time role. "I trained professionals to be family-planning counselors, and I thought, my gosh they talk only about sex — they don't talk about culture or literature," she noted. "And then maybe a few hours later, I thought, what an interesting subject matter." When Westheimer began talking to patients about sex, she realized that the general public had a lot to learn.

Although Dr. Ruth Westheimer mostly managed to get away with discussing sexual topics on radio and TV, there was one incident where an audience member thought she had gone too far.

Her matter-of-fact tone usually helped to pacify viewers, as she explained to the Harvard Business Review. "I was 50 when I had my first show, so I was never on television with a short skirt or décolleté," the therapist offered, adding that she didn't even attempt a makeover. "Maybe that's one secret." She always used textbook terms, rather than innuendos, which also made the discussions seem innocuous. "I was also very well trained — I was fortunate to work for seven years at Cornell with Helen Singer Kaplan, who wrote the most important textbook on sex therapy — and I was explicit in my answers," Westheimer commented, emphasizing her academic credentials.

When she spoke at Oklahoma State University in 1985, however, one audience member was particularly scandalized by her addressing homosexuality. As seen in her documentary, per She Knows, the man threatened to perform a citizen's arrest. "A publicity-seeking politician tried to make a citizen's arrest, which didn't happen," Westheimer recalled, speaking to the Boston Globe. "Was I scared? No, because I was a sniper in the Haganah. Did it worry me? Yes, having escaped Nazi Germany."

Thanks to her distinctive voice and willingness to talk frankly about sex, Dr. Ruth Westheimer started to become a popular guest on late-night shows. She tried to stay connected to the academic world, however, rather than diving at the opportunity to be famous.

"I may have been on the cover of People and gone on David Letterman and Arsenio Hall because they had young audiences I wanted to talk to," the radio personality explained to the Harvard Business Review, emphasizing the importance of educating younger generations about sex. "But at the same time, I always did serious books or taught seminars. I was very conscious of that."

Westheimer also claimed that she "declined many more media offers than I said yes to," including a certain iconic late-night sketch show. "For example, when 'Saturday Night Live' asked me to host a show, I said no thank you, because I would have had to spend a whole week rehearsing," she revealed. Cast member Mary Gross did play Westheimer on "Saturday Night Live," however, so at least the sex therapist appeared on the show in spirit.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer's remarkable life has been immortalized through her many books, as well as the documentary "Ask Dr. Ruth" and an Off-Broadway play about her life starring Debra Jo Rupp.

The documentary's director Ryan White called her life "a true immigrant story, a refugee story," per Vice. He also spoke about how thrilling it was to know her in real life. "This is not some character that she puts on," White insisted, expressing his respect for her work as an educator. "She really is that kind and empathetic and positive, which is incredible considering what she survived."

The play "Becoming Dr. Ruth" also celebrated her fascinating journey, and, according to Theater Mania, the therapist was so happy with the show that she attended "every few days" and carried around promotional postcards. "I'm not calling it off-Broadway, I'm calling it near-Broadway," she joked. Westheimer also expressed her amusement at the fact that Rupp had to go through vocal training in order to recreate her distinctive German accent, when the psychologist herself had once been urged to stamp it out through speech therapy.

When Dr. Ruth Westheimer moved to America, she settled into a New York apartment in Washington Heights and never looked back. Even though Westheimer now has a net worth of $3 million, according to Celebrity Net Worth, the sex therapist has lived in the same building since 1956.

In an interview with The New York Times, Westheimer described how she fell in love with the area at first sight. "I came to this apartment and the first second that I looked out at the Hudson, at the George Washington Bridge, at the Palisades, I decided that's what we need," she explained. The diverse immigrant community was also a draw, according to Westheimer. "Home is something very sacred, especially for people like me who are immigrants," she added.

After the death of her beloved husband Fred Westheimer in 1997, the radio personality did consider moving "for two minutes," but decided against it. "That thought immediately was replaced by that word 'home.' So this is really my home and this is where I stay," she told The New York Times. And the apartment is close to Fort Tryon Park, where a bench memorializes the late Fred, per The Guardian. "My beloved has gone down to his garden to gather lilies," reads the bench's inscription, which was left by Dr. Ruth herself.