Strange things about Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos' marriage

As of May 1, 2019, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos have been married 23 years, which is a monumental feat for any relationship, but especially for one that started between two actors who met on the set of All My Children

They've attributed much of their success to open communication, which apparently also translates to their fans, because over the years they've revealed a lot about their personal lives. Like, way too much. Ripa once told Elle magazine, "I feel like I have a friendship with my audience," and that has meant that we've heard it all; the good, the bad, and the downright weird. 

Throughout the years, we've learned that this high-profile marriage has had more wacky twists and turns than any soap opera we've ever seen. Here are strange things about Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos' marriage.

Mark Consuelos used to be a stripper

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Kelly Ripa said that she knew about Mark Consuelos' days as "a go-go boy" long before the National Enquirer story revealed what they called Kelly Ripa's Sexy Secret. For Ripa, Consuelos' stripper past is no biggie. "A lot of hot guys in Hollywood have done that. He was straight out of college, and he went to Notre Dame and finished his degree at the University of South Florida. So, there he was in South Florida, he's gorgeous, looking to break into show business, so he started off as a roadie to a group of these guys, and then they talked him into stripping," she said.

The Enquirer story takes as strange twist when it alleges that Consuelos danced under the name "Meaty Mark" at a Tampa strip club called Stingers, which we have no way of confirming, but we seriously hope is true. What has been confirmed, is that photos of Consuelos in his "banana hammock" or "donkey thong" as the Vanity Fair interviewer phrased it, do exist, and Kelly Ripa has them. "Oh yeah. I even have an old calendar pinup of him," she said, before adding, "He is so unbelievably gorgeous, with a Mexican father, Italian mother born in Spain and raised in Italy, and I will never give him up." Great, this is leading back to "spicy sex" talk isn't it? Let's move on.

Kelly Ripa isn't impressed with Mark Consuelos' post-sex behavior

In a particularly memorable episode of Live With Kelly, Mark Consuelos was temporarily filling the co-host position when he was blindsided by Kelly Ripa's suggestion that he is "mean to her" after they make love. "When there's special married couple time in our house — do you know what I'm talking about? Because there's kids watching, so I'm just going to say, let's call it special grownup time. He's immediately mean to me afterwards, and I don't like that!" Ripa said, according to Us Weekly. "I think it's bizarre. He becomes short with me. You know what I mean? Like irritated," she continued. Consuelos reacted the same way most men having their sexual prowess humiliated on live television would have: He turned beet red and nervously laughed.

Then two weeks later, Consuelos returned to the show and defended himself, saying, in part, "I just wanted to set the record straight that no one can be mean after something if they're unconscious." You see, Mark Consuelos isn't mean after sex, he just passes out immediately. For her part, Ripa apologized, exclaiming, "I was joking!" and then clarified that she didn't mean that he's "mean," but rather "completely disinterested." Consuelos countered with "How about satisfied, and like, just happy?" because that's the same thing, right?

Whatever the actual deal is with their sex life, it's apparently working, since Ripa also said on an episode of Watch What Happens Live (Via E! News), "I fundamentally believe that the more you do it, the more you do it, the less you do it, the less you do it," adding, "We just like each other a lot. I love my husband. I think he's awesome. We've been together a really long time. We try to do spicy things together all the time." Okay. Is everybody good on hearing about Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos doing it? Yep, us too.

The 1950s was the ideal era for Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos

Mark Consuelos considers himself a man's man. He once told Elle, "If I were back in the 1950s, I'd be perfectly happy." Setting aside the fact that his own marriage would have been looked down upon, if not illegal then, that's kind of a strange statement for him to make considering his wife is the obvious breadwinner of the family as well. Nevertheless, the Ozzie and Harriet routine works for them. Kelly Ripa, also speaking to Elle, said, "I actually call [Mark] Desi, because the thing about Desi was that as much attention as Lucy got, Desi was always in charge," adding, "I was drawn to Mark because he was positively an alpha male, and I didn't think I would be drawn to that. But I just worship him. He makes me feel very safe."

Speaking with Good Housekeeping, Ripa also said that she makes breakfast in bed for Consuelos every weekend, which we assume only applies to times they're actually living in the same city. "I make his coffee every day. I cook him breakfast in bed every weekend: scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, wheat toast, and coffee with cream. That's what he wants. And I serve it to him on a tray," she said. Okay, suddenly those Bewitched-themed Electrolux commercials are starting to make a lot more sense.

Stalking Kelly Ripa through Central Park sealed the deal for Mark Consuelos

They may be happy and as in love as ever, but their relationship hasn't been perfect. In 1996 — after dating for about a year — they broke up. Now, we don't know the details on what went wrong (and we're not even sure if Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos remember at this point), but we do know how Consuelos managed to get her back into his life.

After their breakup, they were both scheduled to make an appearance on Live With Regis and Kathie Lee, and Mark Consuelos told Watch What Happens Live that Ripa wouldn't talk to him the entire time. Naturally, the silent treatment drove him crazy! So afterward, he proceeded to follow her into Central Park — or, as he described it, he "stalked her." Yikes!

Somehow, he was able to persuade her to head back to his place. The very next day, they eloped so, obviously, they made up. Well, that or Ripa has a strange thing for stage-5 clingers!

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos' daughter has walked in on them ... multiple times

As we already know, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos's marriage includes a very active sex life. And strangely, their children are also aware of the couple's playful proclivity! 

Mark Consuelos was filling in for his wife's co-host, Ryan Seacrest, on Live With Kelly and Ryan, and the couple dished about their daughter, Lola Consuelos (above), walking in on them as they were doing the do. "It happened again," Consuelos declared. Again?! Do they not own any door locks in their home? Sheesh, people. Get it together, please.

To make matters even worse, this particular incident occurred on Lola's 18th birthday, which just so happened to be Father's Day, as well. Ripa admitted she wasn't even in the mood at the time because her in-laws were visiting, and there was a "house full of people," but Consuelos insisted because hey, it was Father's Day!

"You just ruined my birthday and my life," Ripa quoted Lola as saying when she walked in on them. "And I used to see in color and now everything is gray."

Then, the couple had to face the music during an "awkward brunch" with their entire family. In front of Consuelo's parents, Lola called them "disgusting" and told them they "have no chill." That opened up the floor for their sons, Joaquin and Michael Consuelos, to begin exchanging stories on when they walked in on the couple, too!

Poor Lola and Joaquin ... and Michael, too! We're cringing for them!

Divorce rumors constantly plague Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos

Any Hollywood couple who has been together for over 20 years is inevitably going to face tabloid rumors that their marriage is falling apart.

In Ripa and Consuelos' case, rumors of trouble first surfaced in 2007, when the National Enquirer alleged (via Today) that the power couple was battling over Consuelos' alleged spending habits and flirtations with his Husbands for Hire co-star Nadine Velazquez.

Unfortunately, the rumors did not stop there. The following year, things got so heated that Ripa had to release a statement after the National Enquirer alleged the couple was headed for divorce. "There is no truth to the story. Their marriage continues to be quite healthy, and the National Enquirer should be ashamed for fabricating such an untruthful story," a spokesperson for Ripa told People magazine. "Their story is 100 percent false." A lawyer for the couple added that they wanted a full retraction of the story and apology from the Enquirer.

Ultimately, Ripa and Consuelos got the last laugh; in May 2019, they celebrated 23 (yep 23) years of marriage together, making those pesky tabloid rumors feel like more of an eye roll than legit.

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos have completely opposite sleep habits

We've already established that Mark Consuelos strangely passes out immediately after sex, but apparently, his random napping isn't exclusive to the bedroom. During an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Kelly Ripa discussed what she calls his "markolepsy," listing off all of the places in which Consuelos has taken an impromptu snooze, like while driving, and at awards shows even when he's been nominated. But the most ridiculous anecdote she told was of the time Consuelos actually passed out on the floor of her show producer's bathroom during a dinner party. After going to look for him after his extended absence, Ripa found him dozing in the crapper to which he replied, "That bathmat looked so cozy."

On the flip side of that coin, Ripa has admitted that "Five hours of sleep a night is where I am," and that already small window of slumber is usually punctuated with many wake-ups, making her a borderline insomniac. "I typically go to bed at 1:00 A.M. Then I wake up around 3:30 for some reason. I get up and check on the kids. Mark will say, 'Why are you awake?' I'm not sure. I'll check my e-mail. I have a friend who's an insomniac, so there's usually an e-mail from her that I'll respond to. Once I do that, I'm in trouble, because she could respond, and then we're communicating in the middle of the night. I turn on the TV and try to find an infomercial that is very repetitive to put me to sleep. Then I usually get up around 6:00 A.M," she told Good Housekeeping. Two things about that: 1.) We're no math scholars, but that in no way adds up to five hours of sleep; and 2.) How are either of these people even alive at this point?

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos didn't let their kids watch TV during the week

There was a time when the children of these two television stars were not allowed to watch TV. "We are kind of strict. We are a little bit old-school that way. There is only one computer in the entire house for the family to share. The computer is just for homework. They are allowed to TiVo but watch TV only on the weekends. TV during the week interferes with schoolwork. There is too much of that 'Let me hurry through, slop this out on the page so I can go watch some television,'" Kelly Ripa told Vanity Fair.

And no, it's not crazy for parents to implement this restriction, but it's a little strange for people like Ripa and Mark Consuelos to make a case against the evils of television when it has not only provided them with a living, but made them insanely rich to boot. Then again, the Consuelos kids did grow up living in a $20 million dollar SoHo penthouse that boasted a "3,073-square-foot roof deck with a fireplace, hot tub, and outdoor shower," so if there was going to be a place to get stuck all week not being able to veg out in front of the tube, that would certainly be the spot.

How did Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos manage their marriage living on opposite coasts?

With Kelly Ripa's show based in NYC and Mark Consuelos' acting career based in LA, the A-List duo have often found themselves living a bi-coastal life. Ripa talked about their most recent 3,000 mile family separation to People in July of 2016. "Both my son [Michael, 19] and my daughter [Lola, 15] are with Mark in California," Ripa said. "They're all working out there. The two teens are doing internships. They're working at film houses, and Mark is working on a TV show for Fox called Pitch," she continued. She also said that the family is used to the dynamic and that, "We've done it for years. It's not hard. It's actually something we're quite good at."

Of his experience parenting his two teens solo in LA, Consuelos strangely told ET, "We're very much like roommates," which is something Ripa wasn't probably thrilled to hear. "It's easy. The kids are older now. There's no changing diapers. There's no midnight feedings. In the past, maybe we wouldn't take a job that's so far away, but now it's cool," Consuelos continued. Okay, that makes the "roommates" thing sound way better. And despite their aforementioned passion, the distance somehow doesn't even affect the couple romantically. "He doesn't need to take me everywhere or do everything with me. I'm very much about us having our own separate time," Ripa told Good Housekeeping.

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos eloped in Vegas

Some famous couples make a big deal out of their wedding. Kim Kardashian has even televised two of hers. But Ripa and Consuelos went the complete opposite direction for the official start of their marriage. Sure, it's probably because at the time they were both just soap opera actors on All My Children and weren't megastars yet, but the real reason is even simpler than that. "We eloped because his brother and sister had also just had weddings, everybody had just got married, our characters on All My Children were married to each other three different times already. We felt as if we had endured enough weddings. We didn't feel like we needed the big party," Ripa told Vanity Fair.

But Ripa did celebrate the occasion in a special way. In an interview with Elle, she revealed that on the night she said "I do," she also got some fresh ink. It was when the interviewer jokingly said to Ripa of their shared New Jersey roots, "At least you don't have a tramp stamp," Ripa admitted, "Uh, yeah. I have one of those, too." When asked what design she got stamped on her lower back to commemorate her nuptials, Ripa said she'd "rather not say." So we'll all go ahead and just spell out what everyone is already guessing right now: It says "Property of Meaty Mark."

Mark Consuelos is a four-minute man, but Kelly Ripa still 'worships' him

During an episode of The Wendy Williams Show, Mark Consuelos asked the talk show host to grill his wife about what annoys her the most about him. When Kelly Ripa later appeared on the program in November 2014, Williams posed the somewhat strange question about their marriage, and Ripa jokingly replied, "How many seconds do we have left? I just want to make sure I don't cut in on the rest of the show!" 

Then, she got serious and revealed, "I would say the fact that he can not stay awake for anything for longer than four minutes," she said.

Ripa stated that even when they attend Broadway shows, or if he's watching a sporting event on television, he'll immediately pass out! Well, that certainly puts a damper on certain extracurricular activities, doesn't it? That's not all. She told People magazine that she is "openly hostile when Mark leaves the toilet seat up." But despite all the things that tick her off, she stated, "I really do worship Mark," before adding, "I love everything about him, even his annoying habits."

What in the love-hate relationship is going on here?!