The Tragic Real-Life Story Of Melissa Etheridge

After establishing herself as a well-known name on the underground rock scene during the late '80s, Melissa Etheridge shot to mainstream stardom with the release of her third album. 1992's Never Enough spawned the hit single "Ain't It Heavy," which earned the singer-songwriter her first Grammy — she triumphed in the Best Female Rock Vocal Performance category, and would do the same thing two years later with "Come To My Window," one of three big hits from her fourth LP, 1993's Yes I Am. Etheridge's fourth record remained in the album charts for the better part of three years and would ultimately go six times platinum. She became a genuine rock star, something she had dreamed about since leaving her small hometown in Kansas.

Melissa Etheridge initially headed to Boston to get an official musical education, but she soon moved on to Los Angeles in search of stardom, where she would get her big break. "I was discovered in a lesbian bar," she told Billboard in 2018. "I was very out. I was just, 'Don't ask, don't tell.'" Her managers might have been happy to simply ignore her sexuality, but the press was not. Rumors swirled for years prior to her coming out, and the topic would fill countless column inches when she eventually did confirm that she was a lesbian. She's been back in the headlines on a handful of occasions in the years since, and not always for positive reasons. Let's take a look at the tragic, real-life story of Melissa Etheridge.

Two years after she came out, Melissa Etheridge took part in a joint interview with her then-girlfriend, filmmaker Julie Cypher. "On a spiritual level I believe that confronting the fear of coming out loosened up and freed all other aspects in my life," Etheridge told Advocate. "I just think that when you do that for yourself, when you stand up and say, 'This is what I am,' then good things come to you." Good things did come to Etheridge and Cypher (the latter gave birth to their two children, Bailey Jean and Beckett, via artificial insemination), but at the time they were not allowed to do the one thing that most couples in love did back then — get married.

When she sat down for another interview with Advocate in 2019, Melissa Etheridge recalled what life was like for gay people back when she was a youngster. "It was so hard in the '60s and the '70s, so hard," she said. "I used to say this 20 years ago when I would do interviews, when I came out, 25 years ago, I'd say that my children and my children's children, they're going to go, 'Really?' When I say, 'Yeah they wouldn't let us get married, they wouldn't let us—' It's going to seem weird to them. And it does." The musician went on to praise the hard work of all the dedicated LGBTQ activists who fought for equality before her.

In 2004, Melissa Etheridge discovered a lump in her left breast that turned out to be cancer. Doctors removed a four-centimetre tumor and prescribed a mixture of radiation and chemotherapy, the latter of which pushed the musician to her limits. "Chemo was tough," she told Cancer Connect. "Physically, it was the worst thing I've ever been through." Etheridge lost her hair during her treatment, but she wouldn't let that stop her from doing the thing she loved most. She was right in the middle of her treatment when she learned she'd been nominated for another Grammy, so she wasn't sure if she'd be strong enough to make the ceremony. She was, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house when she took to the stage completely bald to belt out a cover of Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart."

Speaking to NBC, Melissa Etheridge said that she hoped her performance might "help somebody who's sitting on chemo laying in bed and going, 'God, I'm bald, isn't this weird?' Maybe it'll help them feel a little better." Her brave comeback actually inspired part of the original version of India Arie's "I Am Not My Hair," a collaboration with Pink. Arie told Billboard that she penned the third verse after watching Etheridge's comeback. "Her performance brought tears to my eyes," Arie said. "At that moment in time, her performance was a juxtaposition of pain and beauty. It symbolized the beauty of strength."

Melissa Etheridge separated from her long-time partner Julie Cypher in 2000, announcing the split through her record label, Island Records. "With the utmost of love and respect for one another, we have decided to separate," a statement read. "As committed parents, our top priority continues to be what is in the best interest of our children." Three years later, Etheridge married actress Tammy Lynn Michaels, who gave her two more kids — Michaels had twins in 2006 after the couple decided to use a sperm bank. They went their separate ways in 2010, asking for "consideration and respect" for their family. They didn't get it.

Etheridge's personal life became fodder for the tabloids, especially when Michaels started slamming her in interviews — the rocker's ex accused her of ruining Christmas for their kids by failing to keep up with her child support payments. "I try to not pay attention to it," Etheridge said of all the tabloid attention during an interview with The Revue. "Sometimes, some of the nastier stuff, that hurts and I'm embarrassed mostly." The singer-songwriter became romantically involved with Nurse Jackie creator Linda Wallem after her divorce, and she was determined not to let any reporters get the inside scoop on her relationship this time around. "I'm definitely trying to stay out of the press because Linda is a very private person," Etheridge said. "She was my best friend for nine years, so it's an interesting relationship."

In June 2016, ISIS follower Omar Mateen opened fire at gay Orlando nightclub Pulse, killing 49 people in the deadliest terror attack on American soil since 9/11. "He had an automatic rifle, so nobody stood a chance," Jackie Smith, who witnessed two of her friends getting shot by the American-born Mateen, told the BBC. "I just tried to get out of there." The shocking mass shooting rocked the LGBTQ community and outraged the wider world. Melissa Etheridge, it appears, took the senseless murders really hard. She told Rolling Stone that she was dealing with the shooting in the way that she always deals with tragedy — by writing a song.

"That's how I first started to cope," she said. "I feel called to speak; to do what musicians do. We've been the town criers for hundreds of years. We're mirrors of society. We want to try to make sense. We want to try to heal. We want to bring some meaning, some purpose. We also want to put it down forever in history. That's how I'm coping." She named the track "Pulse" as a tribute to those who lost their lives, telling the music mag that there was "something very poetic and very meaningful about the name." One of the women killed at the club, Kimberly Morris, was actually due to attend one of Melissa Etheridge's upcoming shows in Connecticut. According to Billboard, Etheridge performed "Pulse" at said show and dedicated it to Morris.