Joe Alwyn & Matty Healy Digs On Taylor Swift's Tortured Poets That Are So Obvious

Taylor Swift has never been especially subtle in her songwriting about ex-boyfriends, and her tracks on "The Tortured Poet's Department" are no exception. Joe Alwyn and Matty Healy, you're about to be put on blast by Swifties across the globe. 

Perhaps the most obvious reference on Swift's latest album is the song, "So Long, London." Swift famously penned the super optimistic, "London Boy" back in 2019. There was no doubt the song was about her then-burgeoning relationship with London born-and-raised actor, Joe Alwyn — and it was clear she was smitten with her new bae. By contrast, Swift's follow-up, "So Long, London,"  describes the end of that relationship. The haunting melody sees her bid goodbye to the city and the love she associated with it, and the song ends with the heartbreaking outro, "So long, London / Had a good run / A moment of warm sun / But I'm not the one."

Other than the obvious 180, "So Long, London" also makes reference to another of Swift's songs about Alwyn — that would be, "Lover." In the earlier track, she'd sung that Alwyn's heart "has been blue." Evidently, that played a role in the romance ending, as in "So Long, London," Swift mentions, "You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days." It seems safe to say that the split was a heartbreaking one, and Swift isn't going out of her way to hide it. However, when it comes to Swift's latest digs, The 1975 frontman Healy certainly got the shorter end of the stick. 

'Tortured Poet's Department' is largely about Matty Healy

"So Long, London" isn't the only overt reference to an ex on Taylor Swift's "The Tortured Poet's Department." Au contraire, the titular song makes a pretty overt mention to the man she had a short-lived romance with in the immediate aftermath of her split from Joe Alwyn: the sketchy Matty Healy

The most obvious link to Healy comes from the fact that back in 2016, a Pitchfork music critic poked fun at him, joking that he came across as a "Trustafarian street poet." Right at the start of the album's titular track, "The Tortured Poet's Department," Swift seemingly alludes to Healy's insistence at using retro technology, possibly to seem more authentic and align himself with the great poets of yesteryear. "You left your typewriter at my apartment / Straight from the tortured poets department / I think some things I never say / Like, "Who uses typewriters anyway?" she quips.

Later on, in the chorus, Swift makes another reference to Healy's dedication to coming across like a great poet, and points to a time she joked with Healy that neither of them could be likened to the greats, with the line, "I laughed in your face and said, 'You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith / This ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we're modern idiots." BurnBut that's nothing on the other song Swift penned to Healy. Brace yourselves. 

Taylor dubbed Matty 'The smallest man who ever lived'

We weren't kidding when we said Matty Healy seemed to get the shorter end of the stick with Taylor Swift's latest album. After all, it seems her snarkiest titled track, "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived," is about him. 

Like "The Tortured Poet's Department," "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived" uses media references to Healy as a jumping off point. Healy's height has long been a talking point, thanks to his 1975 bandmates being exceptionally tall. However, while The New Yorker refuted rumors that he was just 5'5" when they profiled him in 2023, the outlet also shaded his claims that he was 5'11", suggesting that he was closer to 5'10". Either way, it's pretty clear the title was a dig from Swift, and hints that he was pretty insecure about it. Other than the overt jab of the title, though, the lyrics are also significantly more pointed than those in "The Tortured Poet's Department." In fact, she seems to allude to the reasons why so many people can't stand Healy, hinting that she even tried to protect him after behaving badly, in the lyrics, "I would've died for your sins / Instead I just died inside."

Unfortunately for Healy, there's a chance the diss tracks are just getting started. After all, Swift ends the song with, "And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive / The smallest man who ever lived." Maybe he'll respond with a poem.