A Look At The Ups And Downs Of Rosie O'Donnell And Ellen DeGeneres' Friendship

Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell were friends for many years ... but were they, really? There's a ton of confusion over the two comedians-turned-talk-show-hosts, with O'Donnell saying they were close, and DeGeneres very publicly dismissing the idea that they knew each other that well. Yikes in three, two, one. 

Some may recall that in a 1996 appearance on "The Rosie O'Donnell Show," DeGeneres subtly alluded to her sexuality for the first time by joking about her "Ellen" character being "Lebanese" (via MyTalkShowHeroes). It was a big moment in itself, and O'Donnell told People she was terrified about it, as she hadn't come out at that point either. Even so, she explained in an interview with "No Filter," "I felt very strongly that I didn't want to leave her out there alone, that I could not, gay person, act as though I was not the same as her." That manifested in the two of them joking about the possibility that they were both Lebanese, and though the press didn't pick up on it, O'Donnell said, "We had this ... really, sort of decoded, coded interaction that anyone who was gay knew."

Unfortunately, O'Donnell went on to say that when she came out a few years later, she didn't feel the support she'd given DeGeneres was reciprocated. "I was never asked to go on her show. When I was, it was long after they had been on for many years," she said. O'Donnell added, "She was all of a sudden in the position I was in, where she was starting a show and wanted it to be successful and get the money and the accolades that came with it. And instead of deciding to stand next to me and hold my hand, which is what I did to her, she did the opposite."  

Unfortunately for Rosie O'Donnell, it seems as though her lack of an invite to "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" wasn't a mere coincidence. Far from it, in a 2023 interview with The Hollywood Reporter, she claimed that she'd actually reached out at one point to ask if she could make an appearance, but was turned down.

"I asked to go on because of something I was promoting, and she said no. And I remember going, 'Seriously?' After she said no that one time, whenever they would ask me [to appear], I would say no,'" O'Donnell recounted. She'd also addressed the snub in an appearance on "Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen" the year prior, telling the host, "They asked me once ... towards the end." Possibly because so much time had passed, O'Donnell said she briefly considered it. However, there were too many years of hurt feelings for her to not worry about things getting uncomfortable. "I was going to go on for 'SMILF,' but I wanted to bring someone with me 'cause I thought it might be a little less awkward, and they didn't want to do that," she recalled. Ultimately, the appearance didn't go ahead.

There's always a possibility that when DeGeneres' team told O'Donnell "no," it came down to scheduling issues rather than anything personal, but DeGeneres herself did not comment publicly on the matter. However, O'Donnell did tell The Hollywood Reporter that they'd chatted via text, and that they'd spoken about DeGeneres' own show ending. A step forward, but O'Donnell once again acknowledged that she had hurt feelings — and not just because she wasn't invited on to "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

Not being an early guest on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" is one thing, and Rosie O'Donnell herself told "No Filter" she didn't take it personally at first. However, it's worth noting that beyond the snub, DeGeneres vocally distanced herself. O'Donnell also told "No Filter" that her former guest's comments about her to "Larry King Live" after her show was canceled were among the most hurtful she'd ever experienced.

"[Larry King] asked her, 'Whatever happened to Rosie O'Donnell? Her show went down the tubes.' And Ellen said, 'I don't know Rosie. We're not friends,'" O'Donnell recounted, and sure enough, that was a pretty accurate retelling of what DeGeneres had told King. As seen in a transcript from the interview, DeGeneres told the CNN host, "I don't really know Rosie that well. I mean, I've spoken to her, but we're not really friends."

Unsurprisingly, given how long they'd known each other up to that point (O'Donnell has said she has pictures of DeGeneres with her kids as babies, and that they regularly hung out early on in their careers), the comment gutted the TV star. She told "No Filter," "That was like one of the most painful things that ever happened to me in show business in my life. I couldn't believe it." O'Donnell has also spoken about the slight on "Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen," admitting, "It hurt my feelings like a baby, and I never really got over it." Again, DeGeneres did not reply publicly. However, in her interview with The Hollywood Reporter, O'Donnell said that they'd spoken about it briefly in their text conversation. "She wrote, 'I'm sorry and I don't remember that,'" O'Donnell shared of what DeGeneres had said to her.

Rosie O'Donnell has said Ellen DeGeneres met her kids as newborns, but it seems as though that familiarity went both ways. After all, O'Donnell also told The Hollywood Reporter that, in addition to having a picture of DeGeneres holding her son as a baby, "I know her mother. I could identify her brother without her in the room. I knew her for so many years." That would be around 30 years, O'Donnell said on "No Filter."

With that in mind, it's not exactly shocking that O'Donnell has said that as soon as she heard the "Finding Nemo" actor distance herself from her, it immediately made her feel as though DeGeneres was nothing like she'd seemed. "It just felt like I don't trust this person to be in my world," she told The Hollywood Reporter. 

Granted, O'Donnell did find a way to poke fun at the situation in the immediate aftermath of the comment. That came in the form of personalized merch. "It was so upsetting to me that I had T-shirts made: 'I don't know Rosie. We're not friends.' And then I gave them out to my staff," she recounted on "No Filter." However, even as she told the story, O'Donnell didn't crack a grin, and it was clear that time hadn't healed the wound. "It was very painful. And you know, we've never sort of gotten over it," she said. 

Some may recall that in the wake of the toxic workplace claims surrounding" The Ellen DeGeneres Show," Rosie O'Donnell spoke out in an appearance on SiriusXM's "The Jess Cagle Show" and certainly didn't hint at any beef while doing so. In fact, she said she was glad DeGeneres was stepping back to take time for herself and acknowledged that going from talk show darling to almost persona non grata was "a tough thing." That said, she did note that she didn't completely agree with DeGeneres' take that being known for being kind was the sole reason for her downfall. "I don't think it was the 'be kind' thing that got her. I think that's an oversimplification ... it was a lot of things," she said. 

A few years later, O'Donnell weighed in on the situation some more when she pointed out to "No Filter" that a number of the production team behind "The Rosie O'Donnell Show" had ultimately gone to work at "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," and that she'd remained close with them. "We had a family for sure. I'm still friends with many of the people who were on my staff 30 years ago," she said, also noting that they even had annual parties to celebrate their past work together. As for her thoughts on the drama behind the scenes at "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," she mused, "Well, I knew the way she treated me must be the way she treats others, and I felt very betrayed, and so I didn't imagine that they had a similar kind of relationship."

Though O'Donnell notably didn't say anything about her previous staff talking about DeGeneres' style of leadership, she did also add, "You hear things from different people." Subtle, but pointed all the same.

Ellen DeGeneres might not have publicly addressed the drama between her and Rosie O'Donnell, but according to the latter, they've spoken about it behind the scenes. Unfortunately, the fact that we know that is a pretty good indicator that the conversations haven't exactly been the most productive. 

"A lot of times, she has said, or written me, and said, 'Why are you still talking about this ... all these years? And I didn't quite know how to answer that. I said, 'Well, it was profound for me. It was a profound moment,'" O'Donnell told "No Filter." O'Donnell also noted that despite the conversations they'd had, she'd never received a genuine apology. "I would have apologized. I would have said, 'I'm really sorry I hurt you that much, and I don't know why I did that and it was a mistake, and I hope you can forgive me,'" she said. However, O'Donnell said DeGeneres didn't seem to grasp that it had really been that hurtful for her. "I think in her mind, she thinks I keep rehashing it for pleasure. I don't rehash it for pleasure. I rehash it because our careers have taken sort of parallel, interwoven paths," she said, pointing out that she was also often asked about their relationship because of it. "I have a hard time not telling the truth," O'Donnell said. 

Sadly, this is one relationship we doubt will ever be fully repaired.