Red Flags Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott's Marriage Would Never Last
After 18 years, five children, and a gazillion headlines, Tori Spelling officially moved to end her marriage to Dean McDermott, filing for divorce in late March of 2024. When the "Beverly Hills, 90210" alum finally pulled the trigger, nine months after news that they'd separated hit, it certainly felt inevitable to those who'd watched the couple's rollercoaster romance play out in public. Those mercurial ups and downs weren't just chronicled in supermarket tabloids, but also in the pair's various reality shows, including such series as "Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood," "Tori & Dean: Inn Love," and, most notoriously, the cringe-inducing, infidelity-fueled couples counseling of "True Tori."
Spelling's knack for squeezing self-promotion out of her own scandals was evident when her divorce filing synergistically coincided with the debut of Spelling's new podcast, "misSPELLING," in which she promised to share her truth. "'misSPELLING' is ready to reveal what's real and what's fake and she strips down her Hollywood persona," a voiceover declared in a brief teaser. "If you think the rumors are shocking, just wait till you hear the truth." Probably not coincidentally, the day after Spelling filed for divorce, McDermott removed all mention of her from his Instagram bio.
While the future is uncertain for the newly single exes, one thing remains clear, at least to those who've been paying attention: over the years, there have been plenty of red flags that Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's marriage would never last.
Their romance began with cheating
Tori Spelling met Canadian actor Dean McDermott in the summer of 2005, when they co-starred in "Mind Over Murder," a Lifetime movie in which she played an assistant D.A. who develops psychic powers after suffering a head injury. During filming, the two began an affair. On-set romances between co-stars rarely work out well, but their liaison carried the added infamy that both were married at the time: Spelling had wed actor Charlie Shahnaian just a year earlier, while McDermott had been married to Canadian TV personality Mary Jo Eustace for more than a decade.
As (bad) luck would have it, paparazzi captured some PDA photos of the two — which is how Shahnaian came to discover that his wife of less than two years was cheating on him. "Fifteen months into my marriage, I opened the National Enquirer to see pictures of what appeared to be my wife giving another man a lap dance," Shahnaian explained in a 2007 interview with GQ (via Heavy). Once the affair had become tabloid fodder, both Spelling and McDermott divorced their respective spouses and tied the knot in May 2006.
Of course, any romance born in scandal should also accompanied by a stern warning: anyone in a relationship with someone who's cheating on a spouse shouldn't be too surprised if they eventually become the one being cheated on.
Persistent rumors of marital trouble
After their wedding, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott wasted little time starting a family (McDermott already had a son, Jack, from his first marriage). The couple welcomed their first child together, son Liam, in 2007, followed by daughter Stella in 2008. Another daughter, Hattie, arrived in 2011, while son Finn came in 2012, and they rounded out their family with son Beau in 2017.
Over those first few years of marriage, all seemed hunky dory as the couple churned out both children and reality television. In 2010, however, behind-the-scenes footage from one of their reality shows leaked, and the two were engaged in a bitter argument. "It's like you got more and more unhappy and angry," Spelling told her husband in the clip, reported People. Rumors of marital strife became so prevalent that Spelling made an appearance on the "Today" show to insist everything was fine. "We're not headed for divorce," she said, as reported by Us Weekly. The couple also tried to shut down the rumors during a joint appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," where McDermott declared, "We are so together ... there's no divorce in our future."
When rumors of impending divorce surfaced again in 2013, Spelling denied those tabloid reports in an open letter. "I repeatedly told my children, 'Daddy and I are very happy and in love. There will be no divorce and all of us will remain together as a family,'" she wrote, via People.
Dean's cheating scandal
Rumors of marital discord are one thing, being caught cheating is a whole other matter. That was the case in late 2013, when Us Weekly reported that Dean McDermott had been unfaithful to Tori Spelling. According to the report, 47-year-old McDermott had been in Toronto promoting the TV cooking competition "Chopped Canada," of which he was host, when he had a brief affair with a 28-year-old woman named Emily Goodhand. "He told me he and Tori had a sexless marriage," Goodhand told the magazine. "I believed him."
While there was initially some speculation that the affair had been fabricated in order to drum up publicity for an upcoming reality show, in January 2014 McDermott seemingly confirmed he'd been unfaithful in a statement to Us Weekly, announcing he was entering rehab to treat sex addiction. "I am truly sorry for the mistakes I have made and for the pain I've caused my family," McDermott said. "I take full responsibility for my actions and have voluntarily checked myself into a treatment center to address some health and personal issues. I am grateful to be getting the help I need so I can become the husband and father my family deserves."
They filmed their marital struggles for a 'train wreck' reality show
With his infidelity made public, all eyes were focused on Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott as those longstanding rumors of divorce now had actual credence. However, the couple surprised everyone by not splitting up, instead deciding to stay together and work things out. "We're doing okay," Spelling told People in June 2014. "We're working through it. It's something that's going to take time to get through."
While most couples in that situation would understandably deal with those issues behind closed doors, Spelling and McDermott went a different route. Instead, they filmed their counselling sessions for a new Lifetime reality show, "True Tori," in which their raw-nerve conversations about the fragile state of their marriage were packaged as entertainment. "We would have sex once every two weeks. It wasn't fantastic," McDermott complained in one episode (via Us Weekly). During another moment in the show, noted Us Weekly, Spelling declared, "I know he's my soulmate ... I also know he broke my heart."
The show turned out to be a hit that spawned a second season. McDermott, however, couldn't continue. "I can't do this anymore," he told "Access Hollywood," as reported by Us Weekly. "I can't keep opening a vein ..." Spelling eventually felt similarly; during a 2021 edition of her "9021OMG" podcast she admitted "True Tori" should have ended after its first season. "The second season was just silly," she said, via Us Weekly. "It was a train wreck."
Sources claimed the real goal of True Tori was revenge
From the get-go, Tori Spelling insisted that her motivation for baring her broken relationship with husband Dean McDermott for "True Tori" was to exorcise their demons, once and for all, so that they and the tabloids could move on. "It wasn't going away," Spelling said during the show's Season 1 reunion special, via USA Today. "No one would drop it and it was getting more and more intense."
However, certain sources claimed there was a hidden agenda behind the show: Spelling's desire for payback. "The decision to do this show is not coming from someone who is in a solid, good place," an unidentified friend told People (via the Los Angeles Times). "Tori is very, very upset and angry. A part of her wants to completely humiliate him and make him suffer in front of millions of people ... She wants him to truly feel the pain of what he did to her."
Another source shared similar sentiments with RadarOnline, claiming that McDermott was "far from being a willing participant," and that Spelling had forced him to take part in the series. "Reluctantly Dean agreed because he feels this is all his fault," the source added.
Financial difficulties added extra stress to their relationship
Dean McDermott's infidelity wasn't the only thing impacting his marriage to Tori Spelling. In January 2016, ETOnline reported that she was being sued by American Express over an unpaid credit card balance of $37,981.97, claiming the last payment she'd made — the previous June — had bounced. Six months later, TMZ reported that the state of California had placed a $259,108.23 lien on the couple due to unpaid taxes from 2014. Later that year, a court ordered Spelling to pay her entire unpaid AmEx balance — and was then sued by the credit card company again, this time for $87,000.
As dire as that appeared, things quickly got worse for the cash-strapped couple. In July 2016, Spelling was hit with a federal tax lien, owing a reported $707,487.30 in unpaid taxes to the IRS. Then, in December 2016, she and McDermott were sued for defaulting on a $400,000 loan. A few months later, in March 2017, McDermott was facing a potential jail sentence after falling several months behind on child support payments to his ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace; according to Page Six, Eustace was furious that McDermott and Spelling had shelled out $40K for a baby shower for their fifth kid while he owed her thousands in overdue child support. The IRS took action in March 2017 by emptying all the couple's bank accounts.
Disturbing reports of police intervention
The stress of trying to keep her marriage with Dean McDermott together, looking after five kids, and being a million-plus in debt apparently pushed Tori Spelling to the breaking point. In March 2018, police were called to their home to handle what was described as a disturbance, with an officer telling People that they responded to a "domestic incident." The Blast offered more detail, claiming cops were called to deal with a woman with a "mental illness," while TMZ claimed that Spelling was "having some sort of breakdown."
About a week later, McDermott once again called the authorities, asking them to perform a welfare check on Spelling after she'd left their home. According to TMZ, Spelling was found at a doctor's office; after speaking with her, the deputies determined she was fine and left.
An insider, whose identity wasn't revealed, told People that Spelling was under an enormous degree of stress. "The last year has been really tough on Tori. She has a ton of pressure and stress, with the kids, work and her marriage," said the source. "She internalizes a lot of her anxiety and she knows it's not healthy for her. Of course she's going to get to a breaking point eventually."
Old wounds reopened when their daughter learned of Dean's cheating
By 2020, it really seemed as if Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott had been able to put his cheating scandal behind them. The specter of his infidelity, however, was far from dead and buried — something that became clear as the couple's kids grew older and began Googling their parents.
While appearing on the "Women on Top" podcast, Spelling revealed that one of her daughters happened to see something about her dad's infidelity online. "It really upset her," Spelling said (as reported by People). While Spelling insisted during the podcast that the whole traumatic incident had ultimately brought them closer, not everyone was buying it.
"They've grown apart," a source subsequently told People. "They have issues that are hard to remedy. And they don't have the same relationship they once did." While the couple may have done a lot of work on repairing their relationship, televised and otherwise, there were some things that never really recovered. "Tori still has major trust issues," the source said, adding, "Part of their relationship was never fully repaired after he was unfaithful."
Tori revealed that she and her husband were sleeping in separate rooms
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott continued showing up on red carpets, often with their five kids in tow, but was the unified front they put on in public simply an act to conceal the true state of their relationship? That's a question that may well be answered in Spelling's podcast, but she has offered crumbs of evidence indicating that may have been the case.
Take her admission that she and McDermott slept in separate beds, something she revealed during a 2021 appearance on Jeff Lewis' radio show for SiriusXM's Radio Andy channel. "You know what? Right now, my kids and dogs sleep in my bed," Spelling said, revealing that when McDermott was out of town working, four of her kids began sleeping with her, and they had yet to return to their own bedrooms.
In a November 2023 interview with the Daily Mail, McDermott revealed that sleeping separately had been a big contributor to the split. "I believe that the marital bed is the docking station for your relationship. Where you connected each other. It's where you download information. It's where you spend time together. It's where you're intimate, it's where you love. You laugh and you cry. So that's gone. The relationship suffers greatly, greatly," he said. "When you're in a roommate situation and there's no connection or intimacy, what do you expect is going to happen?"
Dean's separation announcement sparked confusion
In June 2023, Dean McDermott published an Instagram post announcing his marriage to Tori Spelling was over. "It's with great sadness and a very very heavy heart that after 18 years together and 5 amazing children, that @torispelling and I have decided to go our separate ways, and start a new journey of our own," he wrote, as reported by Hollywood Life. His post made headlines — then generated even more when he abruptly deleted it less than 24 hours later.
The scorched-earth social media missive and its quick deletion understandably caused confusion — were they breaking up, or not? A source told Us Weekly that, despite what McDermott had written, their relationship was solid. "Tori and Dean are not getting a divorce," the source claimed, insisting that their relationship had "been better than ever" in recent weeks. "They love each other and are not going to split."
Another source, however, offered a very different scenario to People. "[Dean] 100 percent wants to get out of the marriage. He took down the post because Tori didn't want him to keep it up. But he's packing his bags and is 100 percent serious about it," said that source, adding, "He can't take it anymore. He told her he's done." Another source told the Daily Mail that McDermott had become fed up with Spelling using their spousal difficulties to generate publicity. "For a very long time Tori used their marital problems to stay relevant," that source said.
He entered rehab immediately after announcing their separation
Despite the varying accounts, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott did indeed separate shortly after his announcement. As McDermott told the Daily Mail several months after the split, his abuse of drugs and alcohol had escalated. "It ended up with me drinking a fifth of tequila every night, seven days a week, and a handful of narcos [prescription meds] by myself with a beautiful family in the other room ... that's what led to the brokenness and to what happened between me and Tori."
On that June night, the couple had been fighting, with McDermott admitting he erupted in drunken fury. "It was the night that I raged against her and the children and I saw the light, the final flicker of the flame go out in her eyes," he told the Daily Mail, revealing that was when he issued the separation announcement on Instagram. "I posted that because I was at the end of my rope. I didn't know what to do. I had burned everything down yet again," he recalled.
He took the post down after awakening the next day, realizing the gravity of what he'd done. It was at that point that Spelling urged him to seek help, and he agreed to return to rehab.
They both moved on quickly after their separation
Following their separation in June 2023, neither Tori Spelling nor Dean McDermott remained single for too long. In October 2023 — just four months after the split — McDermott was spotted holding hands with Lily Calo, a 32-year-old account manager at alternative wellness center Conscious Community Global; as the Daily Mail reported, she was accompanying McDermott to the Department of Social Services, where McDermott was seemingly applying for social assistance.
Shortly after photos of McDermott and Calo hit the tabloids, Spelling was photographed sharing a hot-and-heavy kiss with Ryan Cramer, creative director of Neuron Syndicate Inc., an L.A.-based advertising agency. The day after those photos were published, Spelling was photographed shopping for sexy lingerie. McDermott was reportedly not too thrilled with his ex's new romance. "They're on fairly icy terms right now but trying to stay cordial" an insider told Us Weekly. "He thinks Tori's doing this for attention."
Meanwhile, in March 2024 McDermott told Page Six that his relationship with Calo was still going strong, six months in. "Things are going really well," he said, revealing that Calo had not only met Spelling, but that his estranged wife and his new girlfriend actually "get along fabulously." Spelling filed for divorce about two weeks later, which appeared to be a pretty solid indication that a potential reconciliation was off the table, and that both exes were moving full speed ahead at putting their 18-year marriage in the rearview mirror.