Kristi Noem's Spider Eyelashes Are Faker Than Her Hair Extensions

That Kristi Noem loves being dolled up is hardly a secret (we give you, SWAT team Barbie). However, it's certainly saying something when even her old pageant pics seem to show her wearing less makeup than she does as the Secretary of Homeland Security. One of the most noticeable elements of her signature lewk as secretary are her fake lashes — but let's just say they're a little too noticeable. 

A quick disclaimer: How Noem chooses to do her makeup is entirely up to her. That said, there's also no question that the occasions she's decided to go full glamazon have been incredibly inappropriate. Like, ahem, the time she went full glam for an immigration raid (and was brutally called out for it). On the off chance you haven't seen a pic of Noem post-MAGA transformation, the easiest way to sum up her love of falsies would be by saying you simply won't see her without them. We're talking lashes at raids. Lashes on a hike. Lashes for a day of painting the southern border wall. And no, none of the aforementioned occasions saw her swap out the mega volume 2009-inspired spider lashes for something more natural-looking. 

TBH, it's a little surprising that Noem hasn't opted for something less overt. Her changing look over the years suggests she's pretty dialed into makeup trends, but the timeline of her rocking such obviously fake lashes coincided with the moment many began moving in the direction of softer, more natural-looking extensions. Then again, Noem does seem to be the mold for Mar-a-Lago face, so maybe she's more committed to setting trends than following them. Our response to that would be Krist-ay you slay, but she probably wouldn't get the reference. Or she'd be mad at the shade of it all. Pity. 

Of course, as anyone who has seen before and after pics of Kristi Noem will know, much of her MAGA look is, shall we say ... enhanced. In fact, many moons ago, she was extension-free (and we're not just talking about her hair transformation). 

Back in 2011, Noem appeared at that year's CPAC looking like a completely different person. Like we said, she didn't have any hair extensions at the time — but also missing were the dramatic falsies. The then-South Dakota representative relied instead on mascara to emphasize those peepers. As an aside, even her brows were significantly less "done," though in that case, thicker brows have updated her look a lot (even if they are just a fade away from the Instagram brows of 2017). 

Back to the lashes, perhaps Noem was annoyed by the cameras getting so close in '11 and felt she needed the bigger, bolder lashes, lest anyone attempt the same angles sometime in the future. TBF, she wouldn't have wrong, because fast-forward more than a decade, and we got more shots from below. This time, though, the megalashes were going strong. Time will tell if Mar-a-Lago's biggest influencer decides to go back to her natural lashes. Until then, paint your face, honey! JK — she's still not getting it.