Kristi Noem Lives A Wildly Lavish Life & It's Clear She's So Out Of Touch

Once upon a time, Kristi Noem pitched herself as a down-to-earth country woman clad in plaid, but it's safe to say that ship has sailed. From uber-luxurious transportation, to expensive accessories and a bizarre amount of cash on hand, to becoming the mold for Mar-a-Lago face, let's get into it. 

We'll start with the makeover. While Noem has always been pretty — she was a pageant queen in her younger years — when she first began making waves in the 2010s, her lewk was a far cry from the glamazon we know today. In place of the exaggerated lip filler and thick makeup, the Noem of yore sported a very natural look. Of course, that's all since changed. For one, she's rarely seen without her hair extensions today (and TBH, we're not sure we'd recognize her without them). More than that, though, she also seems to have had a fair whack of cosmetic work done.

Speaking to Nicki Swift in March 2025, one plastic surgeon estimated the price of Noem's makeover to be somewhere in the range of $25,000. What's more, Dr. Michael Niccole pointed out that even that figure wouldn't be a one-and-done, especially if the Secretary of Homeland Security wanted to maintain the effects. Asked what he thought the costs may be, going forward, Niccole mused, "From a few hundred to a couple thousand dollars per year, depending on how proactive she is." We're going to go ahead and guess that very proactive is the answer.

Even SWAT team Barbie needs her accessories, so perhaps we shouldn't be surprised that Kristi Noem has a fairly noticeable timepiece on her arm. Noem's isn't just any watch, though. It's a Rolex.

While it's certainly not unheard of for a politician to don a Rolex, Noem's particular model — a Rolex Cosmograph Daytona — attracted a ton of attention for where she wore it. That would be the Terrorist Confinement Center (or CECOT) in El Salvador. One might argue that Noem was simply wearing her go-to watch to work (and TBH, considering the price, we'd imagine she wanted to get her money's worth). However, a watch journalist who spoke with The New York Times didn't think so. Speaking about how exclusive the Cosmograph Daytona is, Brynn Wallner pointed out, "If you're buying it, you're flaunting the fact that you can even get one ... and you probably pay a little more for it than you had to. It's a flex piece. It's a signifier of wealth. It's not subtle at all."

As for Wallner's note that Noem and other wearers of a Cosmograph Daytona likely paid more than necessary, the journalist explained that because of how hard it was to get one, they were often sold second-hand at a mark-up. Noem's watch seems to be the Oster 44m yellow gold, which retails for just under $50,000 direct from Rolex, so if she did go the secondary route, that would have been an expensive timepiece, indeed. 

What's better than one private jet? Two private jets! Well, according to Kristi Noem, anyway. 

Some may recall that in early 2025, Noem was questioned about how much of her travel (including personal trips) had been sponsored by South Dakota taxpayers ... and it wasn't the first time. Noem's travel had raised eyebrows in 2019 and 2022 as well, with the former even seeing an investigation into whether she should have been allowed to use the plane she'd taken, which was owned by the state. 

Fast-forward to 2025, and on top of her existing track record, Noem made headlines once again, this time after the United States Coast Guard bought two Gulfstream private jets for her to use. Per The New York Times, the jets came at a cost of $172 million. A spokesperson for Noem told the outlet that the aircrafts were a necessity for Noem's safety, noting in particular that because the jet she'd previously used was more than 20 years old, it was "well beyond operational usage hours for a corporate aircraft." However, not everyone saw the planes as being quite so vital. In fact, in October Rosa DeLauro of the House Appropriations Committee and Lauren Underwood of the Homeland Security Subcommittee sent Noem a letter calling her out in a big way. The purchase, they wrote, "Reflects a continuing trend of self-aggrandizement in your tenure as Secretary. Your first priority should be to organize, train and equip a Coast Guard that is strong enough to meet today's mission requirements. Instead, it appears your first priority is your own comfort" (via Appropriations Committee Democrats). Yikes. At a press conference two days later, Noem doubled down that they were necessary and shared that they were paid for by the Big Beautiful Bill. 

Of course, no roundup of instances where Kristi Noem proved herself wildly out of touch would be complete without the infamous handbag incident that took place on Easter Sunday 2025. 

On the off chance that you missed it, Noem made headlines after revealing that her purse had been stolen while she was at a Washington, D.C., restaurant with her family. Of course, the theft was unfortunate, but the biggest sticking point for many was the fact that there had been $3,000 in cash in it at the time it was stolen. Jimmy Kimmel was particularly tickled, asking on "Jimmy Kimmel Live," "Who carries $3,000 cash? What is she, T-Pain?" (via Fox News). Others were similarly unsympathetic, with diners at the restaurant telling The New York Times they didn't understand why the secretary was carrying that much cash. One patron, a military member, told the outlet, "It's a little weird ... I don't know why anybody would have that much money on them." International customers at the restaurant were similarly confused by it, with The New York Times reporting that patrons from Germany, France, and England found the situation hilarious. 

FWIW, Noem claimed the reason she had that much money on her was because she was planning on using it to spoil her loved ones while they were visiting. Her spokesperson, Tricia McLaughlin, meanwhile, chalked up the ridiculous amount she had on her to not being a city slicker. "I don't really think someone who lives in D.C. is going to have great insight into why a rancher is carrying physical money versus a credit card," she said. Basically, it all came down to her being a down-to-earth country woman. TBD if she was wearing plaid.